I remember when I was 14 a discussion about lawyers came up, and how to do good as a lawyer you have to be good at reading and writing. And so I thought, okay.... I'm good at that, I could be a lawyer.
Then, in college, two of my friends ended up going that route because I talked so much about law school. I wanted to major in English and then go to law school. I remember going to Uf's law library sitting there and thinking, this could be me here one day. I remember paying over 1,000 dollars just to take a kaplan course, and studying even more after getting married. Putting sweat and heart into applications and essays.... So did I do all this and not know why on earth I want to be a lawyer? That makes no sense at all does it?
I know my burning desire came because its important to be a lawyer. There is a need for lawyers... to help others. I hope that will always be my goal to help others and strive to help my people who need my help. To do my part. But you know what......... I help Muslims right now as a teacher. I show through example to those who are not, and I show as a role model for those who are.
Education never hurt anyone, and maybe if law school was easy I wouldnt be feeling this way. But law school is time consuming. It takes every minute of free time you have.
I also want to be a writer. I want to write books and articles. Why am I not doing that? I had the whole summer to do that!!
I think it comes down to the dilemma I've had since I waas ten. What is the meaning of life? Why am I here? Life is short what will be my mark? How do I reach my potential?
I know that I am definetly in this pursuit to reach my potential, and to make a mark, and to find meaning. But am I using my potential in the best way for me. For who I am? Or am I just jabbing at different things hoping it will be the right choice........ I don't know.
As far as personal goals. I want to be a good person, I want to be able to express my creativity, sometimes I remember all the creative games I played as a child, all the stories I wrote, and I feel this ache in me, where did it go?
Maybe I'm too hard on myself. I'm just one person. I can't possibly do everything there is to do in this world. I could squeeze time in to do my writing if I really believe in it. I had the whole summer with nothing going on and didnt do it.... so am I just making excuses and looking at the grass being greener over there.