I'm looking at my schedule this fall in law school: Torts, Civil Procedure, Security Interets/Liens, Corporations, Basic Federal Taxation, Constitutional Law.
And it's making me think.
Last year law school took my life as I knew it away from me. I woke up 6:00am and returned around 10:00pm. The weekend was time to study... The first semester I did good. But the second semester I began feeling the weight of my schedule upon my shoulders. Going to work for an insane boss and even more insane henchmen and then going to class every week for an entire year was beginning to have its effects. Plus no longer could I host dessert parties and stay up till 2:00am talking with friends, no longer could I enjoy a quiet dinner with my husband with a new recipe I just found on foodtv.com, no longer could I just simply relax after a full time job with children. I thank God for my lovely students who kept me from throwing in the towel. But, because of this, my grades second semester were not as great as 1st semester. I passed, and even managed some good grades, but overall it is not even CLOSE to how I envisioned my grades to be. For me this is a defeat.
People keep asking me "so what will you do when you're done with law school" or some other variation of that.
I always respond honestly: I don't know.
And this hasn't really bothered me, this not knowing. I'd figure it out.
But now it is bothering me.
It's bothering me because I'm giving up teaching. A profession that in its essence I love. I HATE the beaurocracy and the power that make a school a totalitarian regime. But I loved the kids. I loved coming up with new lessons and activities. I loved reading Roald Dahl and lighting up with them as James Giant Peach became airborne by 1,000 seagulls.
My other passion is writing. Not legal briefs but fiction, and memoirs, and articles. When I picture an ideal life five years down the road its me sitting at a typewriter eeking out the next great American novel, already a published author.
So again, I wonder, why am I in law school?
To be honest, I LOVE learning about the law. The cases we learned about and the rules we learned to apply never ceased to capture my interest (except, well, property). But I just dont see what I can do to earn a living from it. I don't want to work 80 hour weeks, I don't want to work for a corporation and help them figure out how to make them even richer.
I do want to help people. And while law can help me do that, teaching did that too. So why shell out $$$ for an unsurity. And more important than the $$$, why dedicate my valuable TIME that I can never get back by putting it into something I'm unsure of? Why not quit while i'm not totally behind? It's funny b/c I went into law because of the time factor (Go now while you are young and have TIME)....
Just incredibly confused. Maybe I should satisfy myself that the knowledge I am gaining can never be considered a waste of time obtaining.