I'll be locking them doors and checking them twice...

The "powers-that-be" at my lawschool came up with the genius idea to have face books. Like highschool yearbooks- with a few exceptions. They put your photo, home address, phone number, email, class year, mail box number and stick them on a shelf for anyone who cares to, to pick up and take home.... Does this seem unsettling to anyone else? You might think "if you didnt want your picture for all to see, why sit for the picture?" I didn't! They used our student ID pictures- Think drivers lisence. Do you really want that picture distributed campus wide? Vanity aside, isn't it a wee creepy that people have your picture plus all relevant information short of your social? Why does anyone need that much information? To send letters of unrequited love?

Need Your Advice

Question 1: When you were in school (or if you are in school now) how did you concentrate for large spans of time and stay focused in class? My friend Nadia and I have been discussing this for some time now... Some say load up on caffeine. I've found for me, it works for a little while but then I get jittery.... and me no likes jittery. Those of you who've seen me come down from a caffeine buzz.... zip it! :) So how did you study in school? Inquiring minds want to know..

Question 2: Huda's thinking of changing her site so I started thinking...maybe it's time for a "revamp" myself. The problem is I'm as technologically inept as they come... Aman very kindly created exactly what I had in mind. But I'm afraid it might be too Red... What do you think? Like or no? You won't be hurting Aman's feelings since he made exactly what I asked... so you'll only be hurting mine :) Just kidding ofcourse! I really want to know.

Question 3: Why is Aisha blogging when she should be studying? ahem.. back to them books :)

Doing what I do: thinking, pondering, and reflecting

Catching up is hard when you're taking 18 credits. And a research paper. Because I went part-time last year I'm not ranked like the other 2L's. This means: no externships, no graduate research assistanceships, and no summer internships. I see my peers interviewing and discussing their part time jobs at top notch law firms and get absolutely overwhelmed because I feel I'm falling behind with all my "what if's" coming out to play... What if I wont get a job? What if I wasn't meant to be a lawyer? What if? Then suddenly the weekend seems incredibly short.

And then I read Baraka's post... and it's been on my mind all day. She talks about gratitude and her insight is deep. Tee discussed how a good day versus a bad day is all about perspective. I have infinite things to be thankful for as God says: And if all the trees on earth were pens, and the sea were ink, with seven more seas yet added to it, the words of God would not be exhausted, for verily God is almighty, wise. 31:27- Quran Indeed He is the paramount of wisdom, to trust in Him and his wisdom is to be free..

There is a familiar cliche that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you make of it. I can think about all the things weighing me down or I can think of all the beauty and truth God has blessed me with. I can cry about my job prospects or be happy that I got into law school in the first place. I can agonize if this was worth quitting my job for or thank God that I can afford to quit my job and go to school full time and that my husband supported this decision and puts no pressure on me whatsoever. I can panic that I have so much to study or be thankful that I have plenty of time to catch up. Maybe I'll make such good grades that next fall I'll have prospective employers bidding to take me on to their firm. I can choose to stress or I can choose to be proactive. It's up to me.

I have a lot to study and catch up on this weekend and the coming week. Please wish me luck, and thank you to those who helped me get perspective. As Ramadan quickly approaches I needed that! :)

A Return to Munchkin Land

Last Thursday I got four messages from my former student "Laura" whose first message started "Call me back! *giggles*" then "Why won't you call me back?" and then "If you don't want to call me back, you don't have to... *sniffle* *sniffle* *click*" So I visited them.... Do you remember how it felt seeing your teacher unexpectedly? Like at the mall or a restaurant? I remember running into my elementary school principal at K-Mart with my parents. I still remember my shock. Friday, I had deja vu with me on the other side. They gasped, they blinked twice, and then came running. The best group hug ever....Teaching is a one year project whose results realize fruition or failure years later but when I saw "Laura" and "Kelly" clutching Roald Dahl books that I read them last year, excitedly telling me other books by him they'd read, I felt a strange sort of high that maybe I had provided them with, albeit a tiny, stepping stone.


"A great teacher has little external history to record. His life goes over into other lives. These men are pillars in the intimate structure of our schools. They are more essential than its stones or beams, and they will continue to be a kindling force and a revealing power in our lives"- Emperor's Club

Tale of a Marked Lobster

I had an out. The Professor didn't remember who he assigned the case to. Though tempted to stay silent as he looked expectantly around the classroom, guilt beat out cowardice so I timidly raised a finger indicating my whereabouts. He asked "Would you like to come to the front to discuss the case?" Pretending he was asking me a real question I said "Oh it's okay... my notes are on the laptop.. "

No such luck.

As I passed by other students watching me walk to to the front of the auditorium, I felt like a lobster plucked from the tank to be fried. The other lobsters in the tank feeling sorry for the marked animal but thankful it's not them... At the end of the longest class in the history of classes he smiled and thanked me for my help adding" See you back here on Wednesday"... Mom, my stomach hurts...I don't want to go to school..*sigh*

Why one should not simply stick their hand in the pantry for the Pam....

Note to self: Do not organize the pantry by shape and size.

Why I left

People ask me from time to time why I quit teaching .

All my life I wanted to teach. Many childhood memories involve standing infront of a chalkboard in my porch with my stuffed animals and little brothers lined up in a row taking notes. Everyone knew I would major in education and I couldn’t wait to have my own classroom.

Like my professor advised in graduate school, I went straight for the schools with the most need.....and at first things went great... but over time the the holes and flaws became sorely obvious… and soon things became unbearable. I tried making it work for the children's sake.I even went to law school part-time for two semesters, hoping things would improve…. But as things grew worse, I realized it wasn’t working.

I had my reasons…

90 degree weather and no air conditioning. Ice storm and no heating. No notebook paper, no handwriting paper, and yes, no toilet paper. Books? Stationary? SOAP? Go buy it.

Two hour staff meetings with the Principal telling us that "like a wife must obey her husband, you must obey me”

“Shawn” showing me round burns across his little arms where daddy puts out his cigarettes when he's mad. You go to the parents, counselor, social services- the result? “You shouldn’t have asked. The scars are old. Children lie”. He sees plainly... I knew yet did nothing. And "Bilal" who can’t tell the difference between B and Z but achingly bright despite his debilitating learning disability… You raise hell to get him tested yet the red tape ensures a one year wait- minimum. By then, his chances to catch up are nil.

I hated feeling angry. Angry because these children had nothing, and the school provided little more. Jonathon Kozol described the inequity in public school but I didn’t believe him until I lived it.

I tried my best. I argued with the school board, butted heads with counselors, spent chunks of change on books, book bags, clothes, and soap and I don’t regret anything I did. But you begin wearing down and I didn’t want the frustration of the outer to affect my inner love of children and education.

My family jokes that I'll probably get my law degree and jump back into teaching... maybe a break really is all I needed. But for now, quite simply I left because like a sorry statistic, this teacher burnt out.

DOH!

I emailed my professor a question. He replied "we'll get to this point in our next class, since you bring it up, prepare the case." One year and counting hadn't been called on to prepare a case... Have you seen the Socratic method employed? Think interrogation rooms, the kind seen in movies... and add an audience of 100 people...*shudder* When will I learn, don't ask questions!

Love you because...

Because when I have a 100 pages more to read.. and I'm so tired...I remember you "marking your territory" and you make me laugh instead of cry.

Because when class is excruciatingly endless, and I feel myself glazing over.... I remember walking you around the living room and each of the thirty times, you stretched you head to look wide-eyed in amazement at the sofa...lamp... sofa...lamp... it doesn't cease to amaze you does it?

Because when I feel overwhelmed at all there is to do. second guess choices I've made... debate my purpose in life... ponder the meaning of it all... panic about the future... In between that... between studying, cleaning, or dashing to and from class, I remember you. Your peaceful sleep, your wide eyed wonder.

Little nephew, who knew someone so little, I could love so much?

Realization

Growing up I watched the Jetsons. I loved the flying bubble cars that zoomed across their skies. Though I knew our vehicles weren't made of glass, none-the-less, I knew we existed in bubbles insulated from the world, driving the roads in our own private universe.

Since taking MARTA , I gave up my bubble but remained insulated in my own private world.... until two weeks ago when the train abruptly stopped over interstate 400..... as it wavered for the longest minute of our lives....we began talking...worrying... for the first time I saw the people sharing this bubble with me.

I met boys deploying to Iraq the next day sharing their experiences and the pain of leaving their wives and children behind....flight attendants on their way to the airport... little kids with their parents telling me their favorite part of school.... Upper classmen and first years at my law school, getting advice and reciprocating....

But the starkest encounters are with the people I never encounter ... I see them and I wonder about their lives. The young man in the business suit holding a folder tightly in his lap.... is it a resume for an important interview? The tired mother with two children in strollers and one in her arms as she struggles to shephard them in and out...The old man looking vacantly out the window.... The young painters dashing out of breath into the train anxiously checking their cell phones... the boy standing by the door wiping tears from his eyes... the two teenagers skipping class, smiling and glancing nervously... the girl far too young to be doing what she clearly does....

There are people of different races and different economic classes... people whose lives will never intersect but for a short while, on the MARTA as we inhabit so very briefly, the same universe.

Law Students Say The Darndest Things!

As Dave Barry says "I'm not making this up folks" this really is "Southern Suzy" from my constitutional law class... just add the drawl. Could be just me but I find her outrageously and very sadly funny.... Decide for yourself what you think of it..

Professor: I'm laying my bias on the table for you regarding the current administration...
Southern Suzy: (interrupting) I like Bush. I think he's cute.

Professor: Should the executive branch have the control granted by the 2001 Joint Resolution?
Southern Suzy: The president can go to any country and kick their butts.
Professor: So you believe that majority power should rest with the executive branch?
Southern Suzy: I don't know about none of that but I know we're the greatest nation on earth, so if we wanna kick some butt we do what we want.

Professor: Do non US citizens have the right to habeus corpus (freedom to trial)
Southern Suzy: No! We really oughtta just go there and shoot 'em all dead.
Professor: (looking quite preturbed): So you think we should just kill anyone we suspect before we determine their guilt?
Southern Suzy: Darn right! Round em up and kill em all!

I'm apalled not because her views differ from mine because we all have different views and I have friends with conservative view points, but what appalls me is that when the professor is asking very genuinely complex issues that should be intelligently talked out she resorts to: Shoot em all! Bush is such a cutie!

Oy ve

Perhaps the best labor day weekend ever

Friday, Kashif and I celebrated my birthday a little earlier because we were going out of town. We went to the Melting Pot which I've been curious about since highschool. I knew it was a fondue place but when you think "A fondue restaurant" you think cheese fondue and chocolate fondue right? Well little did I expect that you actually COOK your own food. I mean they bring out a pot of canola oil, stick it on a gas stove on your table and then leave you to cook the raw meat. You time it. You Check it. You Poke it. Um.... why am I paying you $50 to cook my own food? I'd say it's definetely worth trying if you're in the mood for an amusing time... though not so amusing when the oil popped and sprayed us. Hot oil. On brand new clothes. I do recommend their dessert. An assorted tray of fruits and cakes to dip in your choice of chocolate... plus the chocolate is already cooked!


AND at last I have joined the legions of ipod holders. Kashif, I give you major credit, you are a very good gift giver even when I leave no clues, or may not know myself what I want. It's an IPOD shuffle which is perfect because it's as small and lightweight as a memory stick. When we were in San Francisco it seemed like every last person on the BART had one, now as I wait for MARTA, I will be cool too ;-).


And then there was our trip to Sarasota, FL to visit Yusuf. Oh and Naz and Omar too! :). The best feeling in the world is sitting in the rocking chair with him all curled up and sleeping in your arms. I could kiss his soft bald head forever.

Luckily my parents and Aamir made it up to Sarasota to visit for a little bit on Sunday. We went to the beach but like true desis saw the sun, turned and fled. My parents feet didn't even hit the sand!

This weekend felt like one long Eid with the best of both worlds because we met his family and mine. I miss them already but I will treasure this weekend.

Heavy Hearts

I remember Hurricane Andrew. I was 12 and my cousins came to Florida for the first time. I remember how excited they were to be in town and catch a real live hurricane. I remember walking around the lake with my family because the wind felt so good. I can still hear our neighbor smiling as he walked by us "Taking one last walk before the storm?"

I remember huddling in the hallway. Nine of us wrapped in blankets with a lantern and a radio as one by one each window in the house crashed and the wind poured through. Judgment day was here, you couldn't convince me otherwise.

I remember my slide floating down a canal. Sofa covered in debris. Classic board games I'd collected and so carefully preserved disappeared. Sky where once was a roof. Our neighbor so jovial the eve before, walking waist deep in water. I remember finding a photo of my father on his wedding day laying on the floor by mounds of debris. The colors washed into each other leaving a stained blur. Those are the losses that hurt most.

My parents ingrained in me during that time, "things can be replaced people can't" I thank them for being so brave and strong, not letting us see the fear I now realize they surely felt.

My heart is heavy. Hurricane Andrew was a painful experience, but a blip on the radar next to the tragedies that have occured less than a year of each other, the Tsunami, now this Hurricane...

TV news leaves most of us jaded, but who is unaffected by the images on the screen?

May God watch over you all tonight..... and as we pay $3 at the pump.... may the rest of us keep perspective.