Year in review...

Writing from Orlando, Florida where I can lounge in sandals sipping ice cold lemonade by the beach in the dead of winter and have computer access :) As the year's end approaches I looked at Huda's entry from last year and though.. good idea for a meme! I would LOVE to read *your* meme's on this topic. Please let me know if you do it!

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? Visited San Francisco and Boston, made a chocolate cake.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? As a lot of you already know, I have a list of 101 things to do in 1001 days. Those are my "new years" resolutions so to speak :-) I am making progress!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Kashif's sister had a son and one of my best friends who I've known since 8th grade had a baby girl.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No, but our friend Aasem lost his father. He's in Pakistan right now... my heart goes out to him and his family and to the families of the earthquake, tsunami survivors, katrina survivors who lost more than I can imagine with one fell swoop. May God watch over all...

5. What countries did you visit? None besides the one I'm in... Why couldnt this have been asked in 2003 or 2004? We went to so many!

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? A book proposal created and sent. Also, find time to read for fun.

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? May 20th was the last day of school and my last day as a teacher. I dont know if I will ever return

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Giving my students hope for their future. If only they can tuck that in and keep their hope with them... as a bubble over them sheltering them from the temptations to fall off track. If I get a call from just one student that said they made it to college... that will be perhaps my greatest acheivement.

9. What was your biggest failure? I wanted more self discipline in many areas and I dont think I've mastered it as well I could have.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I can't complain, this was a good year. I do have pain in my right shoulder which from time to time restricts my active mobility in that arm though if someone helps me move it up or down it can. Anyone have any ideas? The doc said "drink more water and sleep differently and lift weights"

11. What was the best thing you bought? I gots me an ipod, furniture, and ofcourse Office space... with flair :) [I think I just like saying that!]

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?Kashif's for always having my back, and though I dont know Baraka or Jane they merit celebration because they are brave, strong women who are truly inspirational.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Those who defrauded people who intended to give to charities for Pakistan's earthquake victims and Katrina hurricane victims.

14.Where did most of your money go? bills..GAS... *sigh* It was almost cost effective to quit my job so as to save my car from wear and tear and the enormous gas bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Charlie and the Chocolate Factory coming out because I read it to my students each year and (sorry!) I didnt like the old one and going to San Fransisco.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005? Songs by the Simpson sisters... and Kanye Wests "We want prenup" song... :( Not b/c I liked them.. but b/c they are played in every store, radio station, etc. ad nauseum...

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? Plead the fifth
c) richer or poorer? richer where it matters, in the heart.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Exercising, working on my writing...

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? telling myself I'll get to it tomorrow.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? I spent it with my family suffering from a high fever and chills but also got to watch the Indian movie "Pinjar" describing the tensions between hindus and muslims pre-partition of India/Pakistan. Powerful stuff.

21. Did you fall in love in 2004?I loved.

23. What was your favorite TV program? Desperate Housewives

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? There are people whose behavior disappoints me, angers me maybe, frustrates me, saddens me.. but I dont know if I hate anyone..

25. What was the best book you read?Dancing Girls of Lahore

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Though she's been around for a while Alanis' latest CD is beautiful. Also Jason Mraz and Damion Rice.

27. What did you want and get? A little more free time because of quitting my job. My hair grew long again.

28. What did you want and not get?An internship at a law firm.. I'm not giving up hope though.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Sisterhood of the traveling pants... and as for rentals: Before Sunrise

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 26 which is hard for me to fathom... we were in Sarosota visiting Kashif's new nephew. We had an icecream cake and my parents drove over from Orlando with Aamir... later in Atlanta we went to Melting Pot and I got me an ipod! :)

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?If I had worked on my writing and actually mailed out the queries I stayed up all night writing.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? Express summer lineup was the first time I dressed most true to my personality. T'was great!

33. What kept you sane? Don't know how sane I remained. Writing my feelings down helped. Exercise helped. Talking about it helped.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Lauryn Hill because I love her music, Angelina Jolie because she uses her fame and fortune for good, and Johnny Depp for absolutely superficial reasons.

36. Who did you miss? I missed students who moved on to third grade and who I could see slowly succumbing to the pressures of their environment. I missed their hugs or sweet smiles which were now secretive incase a fellow student saw them and called them a "baby"... I missed their hope because in some it was quickly fading..

37. Who was the best new person you met? I met lots of cool people. For sure it was beyond awesome (hehe Asim) to meet Zainab (his wife).. Zainab if you read this, you rock! But also... it was great to meet all of you in the bloggersphere who are insightful, funny, wise... knowing you all has really helped me be a better person.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005. Rumi was right, you can't move the way fear moves you. I was terrified of quitting my job to go back to school, but I did... and though there are pros and cons. I'm thankful I did.

39. What political issue irked you the most? I dont know where to begin...

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "You’re only dancing on this earth for a short while And though your dreams may toss and turn you now. They will vanish away like your daddy’s best jeans Denim blue fading up to the sky And though you want them to last forever You know they never will. - Cat Stevens

I wish I didnt end on such a Debby Downer lyric. Maybe its just how I feel now. Maybe I'm too hard on myself. I just feel that I could have done a lot more with this year which is why I feel sorrow that its ending. BUT I'm grateful at the peaceful year. I'm grateful my family is alive and well. And I'm grateful for so much more. I hope that 2006 will be just as good but I hope that I will push myself harder to actualize my potential.

Adieu... for now

Exams are over!!! But sadly, so is the computer. It appears to have gained edge over my valiant efforts to revive it. Tonight it goes to Best Buy where its fate will be determined. I will miss posting and checking in on your posts but hopefully it'll be fixed before tooo long, the estimate is 1-3 weeks... *gulp* :( Hope you all have a wondeful holiday time with your loved ones! :)

Aisha v. Computer: Computer: 1, Aisha: 0

I thought I'd share a picture of the object of my frustration for the past few weeks. As you can see this... computer (for lack of a better word) is working. As you also see there are an assortment of books surrounding it. They are there for a reason. And no, not just because I'm referencing them and cross checking facts... They are there because combined they put enough pressure on the charger to keep my computer alive. And because the pressure has to be just so.. and takes about an hour to acheive... and I by sheer luck got it to charge on Friday evening... this, our breakfast table... is now an office! I feel it glows just a wee bit stronger when it watches me change my life around so I can use it.

I'm working on my last exam now and on through the night. Me and my chai gonna keep on truckin. Land Use Law. It's due Wednesday and I don't want to do it! I'm tired. I've completed six classes and this is the last one remaining. I look at this 15 page mammoth and cringe! I have to come up with a growth managment plan to alleviate the side effects of sprawl but promote growth... compare my plan with the current plans and what I'll incorporate what from each plan currently in development or in use. Then I analyze Tallahasee's land use ordinances and compare them to Atlanta's... and what affect it would have if we adopted their model instead... Sincere apologizes if reading that was painfully boring.. but imagine what *I'm* going through?!?

Just gotta focus on the nice two week break coming up! My parents and brothers are coming into town... and we will do many non-land-use-law related things. Must keep my eye on the prize!!! *dramatic music swells in the background of Aisha's mind!!!* ALMOST DONE! :)

*oh- and in response to several questions- yes those glasses are mine, and no they are not reading glasses.. I use them to drive and watch TV and yes I'm cool like that! ;-)*

Captain Obvious reporting live!

Breaking News: Bush Acknowledges Approving Eavesdropping. Senate- stunned! Country- appalled! What did you think the Patriot Act was? Brave New World meet 1984. Seeing as no one minds "Big Brother's" watchful eye... spying will continue.

First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the Communists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left
to speak out for me.

-Pastor Martin Niemöller-

If God Invited You To A Party.....

If God
Invited you to a party
And said,

"Everyone
In the ballroom tonight
Will be my special
Guest,"

How would you treat them
When you
Arrived?

Indeed, indeed!

And Hafiz knows
There is no one in this world

Who
Is not upon
His Jeweled Dance
Floor.

--HAFIZ--

I fell in love with Hafiz in college, this poem in particular touched my heart and changed the way I see the world. For the most part we're cordial with the people we meet... sometimes we forget with those closest to us..and for some reason when we turn the computer on..some turn their manners off leaving comments I'm sure they'd never say to anyone's face (It's like night follows day that they are invariably anonymous). This poem reminds me that we all, those in our daily life, the ones we click to check in on.. all walk upon His Jeweled Dance Floor.

****************
PS: Some people have been adding me to msn messenger..which is cool. :) But the prob is I dont know who it is... so if you could just shoot an email over to let me know :)

Tookie... and Clarey...

Those in a prison built by others....

Tookie Williams dies tonight. I used to be pro death penalty but over the years I've changed my mind. Crim law espouses two reasons for it. One is Deterrance. But statistics prove it doesnt work. The other is redemption. Eye for an eye. But is it? The victim of murder did not get to say goodbye to his family, have the world over plead for his life, and have a last meal before he went... where is the eye for an eye? The death penalty is also more expensive then housing an inmate for life. What troubles me most is that people on death row have been found innocent. Tookie denies his charges too. What about the good he's done? Surely people can change. I believe people should pay for what they've done... but I'd much rather leave it to God to judge for verily He is the most just. This doesnt mean I think all criminals who say they're sorry should be let go.... but I do believe in rehabilitation. It's a heated topic and I don't believe there's a right or wrong view... mostly shades of gray..... but personally, a death penalty system that kills off many guilty but once in a blue moon someone innocent.... I just can't endorse it.

And those who build it themselves...

Bill Clarey, 24, a young, successful staffer for the Daily Show, took his life over the weekend. Some like Tookie leave the world unwillingly... and some are in so much pain they choose to end their life all too soon. I can't imagine what went through Clarey's mind. People say suicide is the ultimate act of selflishness but I think its the act of someone with terminal depression. Just because depression isn't one of the physically manifesting illnesses... it doesnt make the illness less real. People who are depressed often think they're just pessimistic.. or weak.. or ungrateful for the good in their life. Science proves depression is more than just an attitude adjustment issue. A friend in college tried to kill herself... life was ripe with possibilities for her but she couldn't see it... I remember calling 911 and sitting by her bed after they pumped her stomach... she was in denial about her depression up to that point.... and then she got help.. Now she's doing a PhD in an ivy league school, engaged to a great guy and she's what she never was before... she's happy. Just like any other illness depression needs to be addressed by a professional. I hope that if anyone feels depression such as Clarey must have felt that they will seek help. It's not worth it to choose to live with a shadow on your heart.... As the beloved Jalaluddin Rumi said: "Why do you stay in prison when the door is wide open?"

By George I think she's got it!

Prepping for my 9:00am exam I am reviewing some multiple choice questions I worked on back in August. I remember the first time I worked through these problems feeling absolutely frustrated. I remember saying "The book is WRONG!" because the explanations made NO SENSE. This time I sat down and did them and I was amazed at how much easier the material was. Ofcourse you go to school to learn but I was amazed by how much I did learn. August this book could have been written in Portugeese for all the good it did me... and now I understand. That is the beauty of learning. You open your mind to something that once seemed completely beyond your realm of comprehension. I felt like my own student... one I was beginning to give up on... who finally got it. I was so proud of me right then! :)

Wow this sounds like a public service announcement.... *So remember kids, be cool! Stay in school!" .... I promise I'll be more interesting once exams finish. Really!

Message to my computer: in the words of Jewel: These foolish games are tearing me apart. Your thoughtless ways are breaking my heart... they're breaking my heart. Sometimes you charge... sometimes you don't.... I accept I can't take exams with you but at least stay on long enough so I can print something out!!! You are *THIS* close to meeting the same fate as the printer from office space!

Kahlula sounds good right now

If there's one thing I'm disciplined about its my sleep. Ami, Abu don't laugh as you envision all the nights you have to chase me around the house to tuck me in.... its true! I know some people need only 7 or less... I once learned that Thomas Edison worked on four hours of sleep a night so I longed to follow his sleep pattern footsteps.. Edison slept on four and invented the light bulb... surely I could function on five and and live an above par life! Well I've since embraced reality and the cold hard fact that I am not Edison and eight hours is what I must have. Do a lot of you get by on much less?

So that's why I'm not a happy camper today.... I studied till 3am last night but had a review session early morning. So now i'm working on roughly 5 hours of sleep. I came back home and tried to take a nap for a few hours but I ended up just tossing and turning in half sleep exhaustion but not fully reaching the brink of sleep... so frustrating! Anyways I've given up... I will go ahead and study... second exam tomorrow.... 23 hours left and counting... *gulp*

** I feel sick... I just remembered a mistake I made on the exam. Now I will think about it all break.... Sigh*

(Kahlula: mid-day nap)

Because fate is cruel

Exams begin Monday. My laptop wont charge. It takes two weeks to fix. I type faster than I write. Lovely.

*Humera thanks for offering to mail your laptop. Friends like you are a blessing. Currently the computer dance seems to be working... let it last!*

"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long" - Hedberg

We have a security guard who has a desk right by the library a high theft area so you have to show ID before you enter. Usually it's the cool guy there.... he's laid back... smiles and waves you through.... But sometimes if you've upset the balance of the world...there's another lady, Ms. D (D for demented)... she's older.... dyed blonde hair, thick plastic spectacles, a stern expression. She takes her job very.. very... seriously... (I seriously wonder if she is Ms. Prada's mother- it would explain so much)... I've had a few encounters with her but nothing like what I heard today. We're not allowed to take soda or food into the library, but we all know the drill. Put it in your bookbag, smile as you go through and then... chow down. I mean if you're going to be in there five hours, you're going to get hungry. We're not eating spaghetti or fettucini alfredo in there... a diet coke here... an M&M there... So its never been an issue really and if the staff sees you they just tell you to finish and throw it away... no big deal...but remember, I said this lady takes her job very, very, seriously. So my friend is sitting in the library studying away sipping on a diet coke when she feels a tap. She turns around and there is Ms. D and behind her are THREE campus police. Campus police says "m'aam please step outside of the library" So they escort her out. "m'aam you have been caught with soda in the library" looking as stern as though they caught her inhaling crack.... so she said "Okay can I throw it out and go back in?" And they said "No we need you to leave now" People, my law school is located in downtown amid gunfights and muggings and car thefts.... you needed four people, three toting guns to tell a girl to throw her soda away? There are some people who really don't need to be in ANY position of authority....

Change of topic.... I have my first exam (Torts) on Monday. Then Wednesday (Con Law). Then next Monday (Civ Procedure). Then Thursday (Security Interests and Liens <- it is as exciting as it sounds) and then I have two take home exams (Corporations/Land Use). The torture doesnt end till December 21st. Yes I am fully aware that I need to find an inpatient clinic and enroll.... 18 credits is not something one of sound mind and judgment decides to do in law school. The thing is it doenst really hit you until the end. There are no exams through law school until the end of the semester than you get one test and boom your grade. And its not like you can memorize and spit out. No, its ten page essay questions that merit 20 page responses.. it's enough to frazzle anyone.... and I must say I'm getting frazzled. I was fine until today in my Constitutional Law class when the professor concluded our final class with "Good luck guys... this exam will be very very difficult but it will seperate those who know, and those who don't" I swear I heard thunder and lightening crackle as the music grew dramatic in the background, because you see, now I am stressed. But perhaps it's a good thing. It helps push you towards what you need to do.

So from now until December 21st please dont hold my spastic state of mind against me. Come the 21st this caterpillar will emerge a very weary, a very much in need of sleep, butterfly! :) <-- see? spastic.