Tee left this comment on my previous post: "All the little things we do that affect others can be so debilitating. On the other hand - the little things we do can positively affect people's lives forever as well. Who knows if the smile you gave that stranger at Wal-Mart was the one nice gesture they received on the day they had nearly decided to commit suicide? You never know"
I thought of her comment today as Kashif and I confirmed our tickets to Rio! Amiji please don't frown as you read these words. I love you. Really. But 9 weeks trudging to class four hours a day or... Rio in the midst of the Atlantic rainforest sitting sea side pondering deep thoughts? Did I mention the mangoes? Well, the lady who booked our tickets was so nice. We had a great conversation (I'll forgive her for the scary Rio stories) and I hung up from talking to a complete stranger with a smile on my face. This postcard is from postsecret and I felt so eloquently pointed out that indeed it's true. Your smile, your kind gesture could indeed have effects you'll never realize but never the less powerful.
But what of the words spoken by those we trust in to use their weapon carefully. A friend once eloquently explained his difficulty getting close to others "when I decide to trust someone, to open up to someone, it's me putting my heart in my hands, cradling it carefully and placing it on the floor beside them. They can turn and step upon it, they can pick it up and cradle it. It's frightening to be this vulnerable" My heart has been crushed as many times as it's been cradled by another. Just as random people can hurt, those you know more can wound you more. Sometimes we hold on to such people because of blood, old times sake, but whatever the reason, if a person hurts more than they help. It's time to let it go.
And those we love, and love us in return, we must hold tight to us. For some reason it's the ones we love the most we treat the most unjustly. Somehow we persist in the belief that there will be a tomorrow to apologize or to give the hug. My mother told me that last night, her cousin in Pakistan passed away in her sleep. A healthy woman of middle age went to bed and never woke up. Ahmed an MC at my friend's wedding passed away two weeks ago in his early thirties and yesterday my dear friend's aunt finally lost the battle to liver cancer.... How many people didn't say sorry before the Tsunami, Katrina, the Earthquake took away the opportunity forever. How many people are living with regret for not having loved them while they were here. When it comes down to it, you can not say with certainty that tomorrow will be what you think. It's not worth it to hang up the phone in anger, to roll your eyes and walk away from the ones you love the most. Life is much too short. A few years ago a quote from the Autograph Man by Zadie Smith stopped me in my tracks. A man who no longer fought with his wife said "He had been surprised to discover that when you subtract the rows, what you are left with is love, a huge amount of it, leaking out of you." If you're honest with yourself you know what you're probably arguing over is not worth it, in the end you will reconcile, embrace the love and release the hate towards the ones you love the most because in the end love is all there really ever was. I think I finally understand.