Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Linkety Link

I've been meaning to share some interesting links... Hope you find them as interesting as I did and that it sparks some interesting food for thought and conversation.
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Eun Ha's recent entries (one, two, three) about her experiences and perspectives as an internationally adopted child are incredibly heartfelt and well written and worth a read. I also found this article which coincidentially came out around the same time about adopted children from China and their parents attempt to help their children appreciate their birth country (you have to register to read it, but it's free)
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Estarz shared this . Hubby says Talaq (divorce) three times in his sleep. Wife shares this with friends who being truly worthy friends relayed it to the religious community who declared them divorced. To remarry her husband they must part for 100 days and then she must sleep with a man and divorce him before she can be with her husband again. Husband says the words and the wife pays the price to undo it. The couple was married 11 years with 3 children and do not want a divorce. Even if you follow the interpretation of this community...He was sleep talking! It could arguably just be mumblings that a wife decided to embellish to come up with a funny topic for conversation at the weekly chai party. I can totally picture a bored housewife who always hears her friends funny crazy stories while she gloomily munches on a biscuit and decided it was her time for a "you wanna know something funny..." yeah that went bad... it's a jahil practice of which many Pakistani dramas are based on and deserves more attention by the community so it can be examined and hopefully someday, eliminated.
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Amanda shared this a few posts ago. A few Atlanta students did a five minute documentary to prove the 55mph speed limit is dumb. It's very funny but the last minute of the film is what makes it all worth it.
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False advertising. It's taken the blogworld by storm. The question: If a woman gains weight and/or stops taking care of herself as well as she did prenuptials is this false advertising on the woman's part? It started here, then here where the lady discusses how her husband won't take her to his office parties because she gained 30 pounds and then here and here and here, phew it just keeps going. What do you think?
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And finally Shabana shared a very heartfelt post " The overriding importance of a square yard of fabric" which intelligently and insightfully discusses the issue of hijab (head scarf) and Muslim women. It is the first time I've ever seen a conversation about the topic done in a respectful manner from people who see the issue from all different perspectives.

29 comments:

Enyur said...

hehehe yeah I heard about the divorce thingy! I think it's been blown out of proportion. I don't think it counts when you're asleep (now if you're intoxicated, that may be a different story- I think).

rehtwo said...

WHAT? It erased my comment. Oh well...hehe. You linked to me. I will check out the rest of the links you've posted once I can get my Internet to work sufficiently enough that I don't have to refresh a page three times to be able to view it. :-(

Aisha said...

Enyur yeah, I have a different view from a lot of the mullahs on this topic... but this situation in particular is particularly horrifying.

Rehtwo, aw it erased your comment? well I wanted to link to your post for a while since its so well written.... and btw have you been getting a LOT of traffic? I checked my statcounter and I have recently gotten a CRAZY amount of hits from people who clicked from your site.

Mia said...

The thing that gets me is the whole she has to be with another guy before remarrying her husband. Man talk about being treated like a hunk of meat. Loved the links!

L. said...

Hi there -- I`m one of the women you linked -- the one whose husband didn`t take her to his office party. For the record, I did some followup posts putting the whole thing into context so that people wouldn`t think he was a total asshole -- which I admit I made him sound like, in that one post.
And that sleep-talking divorce thing is really, really screwy.

Aisha said...

Yeah Mia... thats the kicker to me. The man behaves like a jerk and the woman pays for it. Who suffered the most by those words uttered by him? Very sad how patriarical (sp) societies manage to put things.

L, hi! Thanks for letting me know, I will link to your main page so readers can also read the other articles too. For the record I didnt think he was a jerk... it was interesting to hear it from a woman's perspective actually...

estarz said...

Wow nice template!!! The moral of the divorce story is dont go to sleep after a fight with your spouse.

rehtwo said...

Aisha -- Yes...a prospective adoptive parent found my post, and then she linked to it from her blog, after which several other blogs linked to it...and I have noticed that many people have been leaving my page after reading those posts to go to yours.

Aisha said...

Estarz, lol yess it certainly adds new meaning to the phrase: never go to bed angry!!

rehtwo: that's interesting how we're all interconnected you really ought to submit particiuary the last one to publication.

Just me said...

aisha - the links are great!

Tee said...

So many great topics.

As for the "Talaq" thing, I don't know if it's really right of me to comment but it's my opinion that this particular story is very sad. The poor wife! And will the husband really want her back after she has slept with another? ... This is a strange law to me and I don't think it should be so easy to divorce.

As for the speeding documentry - I saw something about this on the news and it's so interesting and funny.

As for "false advertising" - I haven't read any of the links but I think that's absolutly ridiculous. Most people "falsly advertise" themselves on the dating scene to some extent - Men included. Whether it's shaving your legs, wearing makeup, keeping your house picked up when you know your girlfriend is coming over, holding in farts (!) most people aren't completely comfortably themselves at first because they're trying to make a good first impression.

When you marry someone you do so because you love them. If something as petty as 30 lbs is tearing a couple apart they shouldn't be together in the first place. I wonder what is wrong with people.

Aisha said...

Rosie thanks and if you read any please share your opinions :)

Tee, I agree, if you get time read the original link of the woman who started the debate, her logic makes sense in some ways but its so unsettling it really makes marriage seem like a commercial enterprise. False advertising... what a strange name for it too... what are you going to do, go to the better business beaureau?

Tee, the divorce thing is very troubling. I felt sick to my stomach when I heard it...

Baji said...

Thanks for the links!

Enyur said...

Oh yeah definitely! I personally think the mulla's are really the ones that need to be educated...they tend to make everything haram, but only halal if it's in their best interest! I doubt if a mulla muttered talaq in his dream 3 times, he'd actually let go of his wife...I don't know. I mean Islam is a beautiful religion, it's just that people have distorted the teachings.

Aisha said...

Baji :)

Enyur yes. I agree... you know whats the sickest part? The temporary marriage women have to ednure, the usual "savior" who will marry the woman for the night is usually a mullah. How convenient!

Southern Masala said...

Wow, all of these links gave me a lot to think about.

About the guy who triple-talaqed his wife in her sleep, I think this just goes to the point of how ridiculous it is to allow shar'ia to be enforced by any person who pops up and proclaims themselves a mullah or scholar or whatever. As far as I know, most madahabs say that talaq is not valid when it is uttered under coercion or the state of intoxication, with some specifically adding that misunderstanding or disorientation would make talaq invalid as well. Some schools don't even allow for the triple talaq as it ocurred in this case, saying all three at once to be permanently divorced, but require waiting periods between each utterance of talaq.

About "false advertising"- wow this one really strikes a lot of people very deeply. Despite the abysmally high divorce rate, marriage is supposed to be for the rest of your life, together, despite what changes come. Be it weight gain, hair cuting, job loss, or sickness. People change, and hopefully they change together. Beyond being concerned for the health of each other, I don't see how it is "false advertising" when peoples' appearances change after they are married. It would be false expectations to expect your spouse to remain exactly the same physically from the day you are married. That being said, there is an importance, I believe, in maintaining yourself once you are married. It is not fair to completely stop caring about your appearance once you've "caught" your spouse. This goes for both sexes. Ok, I could say a lot more, but I am talking to much already.

Finally, the hijab thing, oho what a hot button that one is in the Muslim community. Personally, I am very conflicted on this issue. I don't like the extreme arguments on either side and I think that both sides should respect the other's personal choice. It is wrong to say that a piece of cloth is going to stop rapists and harrassers dead in their tracks, or make a woman more pious. At the same time it is wrong to denigrate a woman as oppressed or ignorant because of her choice to wear it. There are much bigger problems confronting our ummah than the hijab issue and I feel like it saps our energy to spend so much time and effort on it.

mezba said...

Triple Talaaq is not allowed in Islam. Hazrat Umar (r) permitted it within his caliphate, but later Hazrat Ali (r), whom the Prophet called the Gate of Knowledge, abrogated that law. According to him and many other fiqh experts, the mantainance of the iddah, which is a separation period where the man or woman has the power to change their minds, is not observed under triple talaaq. It is sad when our so-called clerics ignore the spirit of the law. Quran says in Surah Taha (to this effect) that Islam/Quran has not been revealed to make our lives harder. I wish we could divorce ourselves from such clerics.

http://www.zawaj.com/articles/triple_divorce.html

Besides, many people don't know that in Islam marriage is a contract where rights can be negotiated. All my female cousins have it stipulated in their nikah-naama that the husband forfeits his right to divorce by saying 'I divorce you' but would have to go to a judge. This should now be mandatory for all muslim women.

Subhana said...

Ugh. The divorce thing - creepy. I'm seriously sick and tired of them mullahs proclaiming to be God sent Angels who are full of wisdom and suffer from Messiah-complex. Especially, in such cases where they misguide others. Thats straight up WRONG.

opinionatedinjerzee said...

aisha, i wont even get into the divorce thing.. as i have blogged about it like crazy the past couple of days!! thanks for the interesting links.. now i got some reading to do for today!!

Amanda said...

Aisha, thanks for the shoutout! 2 comments (not necessarily related to this post)
1. have you ever read The French Lieutenants Woman? It was on a list of the top 100 books (I found this list on the web) so I felt compelled to read it. It was very good but I have no clue as to what happened in the end. Thought I'd see if you or anyone else knew.
2. Is A History Of Violence on your wishlist? When I clicked the "wishlist" link I'm not sure it took me to the right place. Anyways, if this movie is on your wishlist here are my two cents: Uh, I didn't get it. It was a slow moving movie and at the end I'm not sure what I was supposed to take away. I might not be deep enough to get this movie tho.

See you l8tr!

Enyur said...

Yeah that's just disgusting!!! However, if the woman wants to leave and marry someone...i.e. it's her choice and no one is pressuring her then I think there's nothing wrong with that. I've heard of instances where a hubby 'accidentally' divorces his wifey and then forces her to marry a friend of his, just so that they can get back together, but instead the friend wouldn't let go of the wife!!! Now that's just freakin' crazy!!!

Jane said...

Thanks for sharing Eun Ha's link. It was very interesting and quite relevant to me.

Aisha said...

Southern exactly how does one declare one a mullah/sheikh anyhow? I dont think there's an actual process so the authenticity of what they say is shaky and rightly so..... and I agre marriage isn't a commodity exchange people age as well is that false advertising? do you trade in like an old car? Hijab is inded very complicated and its funny b/c I actually got some emails about it from folk telling me how it was wrong that I'm against hijab although did I say was against it? I just said someone wrote an interesting article. Interesting:)

Mezba thanks for the link. WOW I never thought about putting something like that in the marriage contract. THAT is an excellent idea I will be sure to share that with all friends who are getting married soon. Thanks for that. I agree something like that should be mandatory to prevent silly interpretations from ruining lives.

Subhana, Messiah complex. VERY well said. I guess its a power kick but they have to answer for it one day. That's the ironic part. They're supposed to be enlightened yet so many are even mor in spiritual darkness it makes you wonder...

Amzu glad the links were interesting :) YEah I bet you are a little tired of the divorce debate lol

Amanda havent read the book or seen the movie. The movie is on my netflix queu but its in high demand it seems hopefully sometime this month i'll watch it and let you know.

Enyur yeah, accidentally divorcing your wife. It's soooo dumb. In Islam marriage is a K and like any other K intention matters when you'r breaking the contract. Ridiculous

Jane I'm glad that you enjoyed Eun Ha's links, she wrote very powerfully about the subject of international adoption.

Enyur said...

umm Ms. Iqbal...excuse my ignorance but what does the "K" stand for? lol! *embarrassed student*

Aisha said...

LMAO, LOL, Oh man you know i've been in law school to long when I write K as though everyone in the world ofcourse knows what tha tmeans, SORRY. K is the short way that proff's in my school refer to Contract. lol. Sorry. :(

Enyur said...

Phew! I'm just glad to know I'm not dumb! lol! Yeah no worries! I read your reply again and now it makes much more sense (at first I thought "K" stood for some code word you didn't want to mention on ur blog lol!! haahhahahaaa!!

Southern Masala said...

Aisha, LMAO about "K", you are descending into lawyerdom too. I almost fell out of my chair! Do you use the pi symbol for plaintiff and triangle for defendant too?

Aisha said...

LOL yes... its moments like that make you realize you're stumbling to the deep end :( no turning back now, lol. I actually dont use the symbols for plaintiff defendeant, I just do P/D.

ASH said...

Aisha,

Actually there once (key word maybe) was a process by which either in Shi'a or Sunni Islam a person became an authority. In Sunni Islam you had to graduate from a certified Islamic university (Azhar would be a good example) before you could be considered "knowledgeable". If as a result of your knowledge you led a mosque and also made pronouncements (not to be confused with Fatwas)on various aspects of Sharia you could be considered for an Islamic Judgeship or Qadi. If you proved yourself as a judge for a number of years, then you could be considered for a position as a Mullah. So while anyone knowledgeable of the Qur'an and Hadith can become an Imam, the usual path to Mullah used to be (with the weight of the community and their approval of course) Imam, Qadi, Mullah....the whole time you are considered part of the Ulama. The problem is that this educational path has broken down and anyone with even a slightly warmed over Islamic credential can now clam to be a Mullah, because the institutions aren't there and the Ulama as an institution has been destroyed.

In Shi'a it works very differently, and the institutions are actually still in place. I don't claim to know the whole process but you can start as a student and become an Imam and work your way through the Islamic studies to become an Hojjat-ul-Islam and ultimately an Ayatollah (or Ayat Allah...Sign of God) at the head of the hierarchy.

Maybe TMI.....but you wanted to know how someone becomes a Mullah, and I wanted to make sure you knew....there used to be a way. It just doesn't exist anymore...thus the uneducated, self-serving "mullah" who throws people's marriages out the window on a whim.

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