Thursday, November 16, 2006

Dream Job

First, thank you so much for all of you who called, e-mailed, and i.m'ed wishing me luck on this dream job. Some of you did not even know what it was, and yet you believed in me. You dont know how much it helped me as I walked into the interviews.

Speaking of which, interviews are over. It felt intimidating to sit at the head of a table as five attorneys with impressive backgrounds grilled me on every point I made. I hid my intimidation well. Though some of their questions shook me, I was determined the smile would not leave and even if my answer would have to be "I do not know. I am an imbecile." it would be said with self assured poise. (which I never said!)

I can explain a little more of dream job now that interviews have wrapped up and there is nothing left to do but to wait and the competition is also doing as me- waiting. I created a project from scratch, mine is designed to help low income chronically ill children with their access to education. I pitch this idea to a fellowship organization. They read the proposals and pick the X amount they think have promise and send them off to sponsor law firms who will fund the project. The firms pick three of their favorite proposals and invite the drafters in for interviews. Mine was selected by two.

This was a big deal for my school because I'm the first to be selected for an interview. Many people have high hopes for me to get this. Though I gave it my all, there is no guaruntee. Infact, for several reasons I now have a sinking feeling I may in fact not have gotten it. At least I did the best I could though. If I dont get it, I will be sad. very sad. Going to my analogy of my being a starry eyed suitor for "dream job"... I guess I'm at the stage where the girl has agreed to marry the guy but only if her parents and two big overbearing brothers named Hugo and Marcus with heavy duty mustaches and matching red and white striped shirts love him too.

As I roll it over in my mind, and fight the sinking feeling that I may not have gotten it. I can't help but wonder what to try for next. I have a few ideas but the amount of love and emotion I put into this project... to not get it... maybe now you can understand why I may feel a tad broken hearted if I fail. Then just as I was typing this post, Will and Grace was playing faintly in the background. I just happen to look up as this scene unfolds: Grace is asking Will why he only left her $300 in his will and he says when he wrote it he was a broke law student and it was all he had. I had to share the conversation they have:

WILL: I tried to rewrite that will so many times. Every time I sit down to make a list of everything I have, I just feel like I have nothing.
GRACE: Will, you've got everything. You've got your health, friends, family. You just made partner. And most importantly of all, you still have all your hair.
WILL: It's just, the guy I am now is not the guy I was hoping to be when I wrote that will in law school.
GRACE: Oh, come on.
WILL: No, I'm serious. I-I never thought I'd be just another corporate lawyer with a lot of stuff. I wanted to accomplish... more.

GRACE: Will, you are young. Whatever it is you want to accomplish in your life, there is still plenty of time to do it.

Perhaps some of the meaning it held is lost in the written word, but that scene stopped me in my tracks. It meant something to me. Its things like this, small minute things, that keep my faith going. That tell me to not lose faith, that there is plenty of time left to find another avenue should this avenue not be open for me. Some of you may read that dialogue and think I'm looney to find some meaning in that exchange. But for it to come on a day that I am feeling as I am- I can't help but think its more than just a coincidence.

18 comments:

Tee said...

I don't believe in coincidences. That was a comforting message you received just when you needed it.

Hang in there - and remember - everything happens for a reason.

Since you're using the analogy of a love-sick suitor, here is something to think about.

I don't know about you, but there were a couple times in my life where I fell head over heels. I would pray to God, please, let this person love me back! ... That didn't always happen. Not because God didn't answer my prayers though.

God always answers prayers - but the answer is not always "Yes". God sometimes says "No", God sometimes says, "Not now".

When you get an answer from God in the negative the first reaction is to lash out, "WHY?!" - Just like a child to a parent. Sometimes no answer can satisfy - but God always knows best.

So for all those times I asked God, "Please let him love me back!" And God said, "No" - I am thankful, because eventually God said "Yes", when it was the right time and the right person.

God will say "yes" if this is the right job at the right time. If he doesn't, you'll be heartbroken but just know that in hindsight, you'll be able to see why.

God's will. {HUGS}

Aisha said...

Tee, I'm sitting here in a coffee shop and literally with tears rolling down my face as I read your comment. (No its not THAT time of the month, hehe) You're right. Its true. There is a Garth Brooks song titled "unanswered prayers" which says "sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers just remember when you're talking to the man upstairs just because he may not answer doesnt mean he doesnt care sometimes God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers" Its true. If I were to get this, it would help me help children in the way I alwys wanted to. I remember the first time I walked into a low income school and saw the inequality I was so infuriated. I remember that was the first time in a long time law school crossed my mind and I thought how if could represent them and get this fixed, it would make so much of a difference for these children. But these types of jobs are hard to get because the funding is so little so there arent a lot of people hiring. If I got this it would open doors for me that will be harder without it. BUT there is a reason if I dont get it though I may never know what it is. But when doors close others open and we have to make sure not to stare too hard at the closed door that we dont notice the opening of those other doors. Thanks for the reminder and the encouragement :)

Anonymous said...

Aisha,

As a law student, I was really wondering what your "dream job" was. For most law students, dreams jobs are intertwined with money, prestige, etc. To hear what your dream job is tells me a lot about who you are. The world needs more Muslims like you.

Rasha

mystic-soul said...

For me you have already made contribution. Now everything is just the supplement. By throwing the proposal, you put the seed. Someone later will pick on it, either you or someone.

I completely agree with "Tee" about her comments. She sum up nicely.

And no baby..it was not a coincidence.

Aisha said...

Rasha, thank you for your kind words. I had a conversation about this with a friend of mine who just started law school this year. he spent his time before law school helping defend people on death row as an investigator and it was obviously public interest. Now in law school he is wondering what to do and we were saying how money helps you make broader change. The fancy law firms that could potentially fund me are doing great work to fund someoen to affect change too, they also get to have money in the process. I dont know if my choice to do public interest is the better way to affect broad societal change but oh well. Thanks for your encouragement:)

Mystic. I guess. We'll see what happens!

momyblogR said...

I believe God knows exactly what we need at the very moment we need it. Even if it is in the form of "Will & Grace."

Hang on!!

Baji said...

I hope that you got what you went in for. But you know, these things are all part of the process of becoming a great person and sometimes the foundation blocks need to be laid first before the walls go up. Great work regardless. I would love to hear more about your wonderful, heart-felt proposal.

Anonymous said...

...aisha, it is indeed heartning to hear about your dream job...it sounds truly wonderful...as someone who wonders if this cut-throat corporate world is worth it, i envy you...i hope you get it if not only to show that sometimes the corporate world isn't so cut-throat after all...

-ash

Aisha said...

Thanks for the vote of confidence Mommybloggr:)

Baji, I guess I can see this like that I don't get it. I mean... wont be any worse of not getting it than I already am :)

Ash, Is that you? you said "if only to show that sometimes the corporate world isn't so cut throat after all" I dont know if you mean that I will be doing this job as an employee of ac orporate firm. I wont be. I will be employed by my host organiztion which is non proft public interest as far away from corporate as possible. The corporate law firm though is funding my salary. They will give it to my fellowship who will then give it to me. But yes its good tknow that frms like this try to be socially conscious and try giving back to society.

William Smith said...

It's refreshing to read your blogs entries regarding your hopes and asperations for the future, particuarly because it breaks all the stereotypes people have about lawyers. I find it interesting how many times in life we get these little messages, acccidental meetings, signs, etc. that seem to guide us exactly as we need at the time. I also don't believe in coincidence. As a mathematicaly inclined person, I find the odds way to high against such "accidents", to make them very likely. Combine these odds with the frequency with which they occur, and one can only conclude that there is some other force(s) at work. Best wishes to you in all your hopes and endeavors. Whatever life has planned for you, I think you have earned some breaks on the Karmic justice scale.

Maleeha said...

Your project is a fantastic idea and inshaAllah you'll get it if its the best thing for you, and if you're the best thing for it. I just had my interview today too(broadly, its about working with refugees) and I'm trying not to rehash everything I said and the questions that were asked. I think I've already made my peace with not getting it and am looking at Plan B & C ideas. I dont think the interview went badly, but you never know w/ these things.

Anyway, I totally feel your anxiety. Hang in there! Btw, what did you wear on your other shoe? :)

Aisha said...

William thanks for your insight regarding coincidences. I used to always say "nothing is a coincidence' but then somewhere along the way I stopped beleiving that. When I saw that scene at that moment it shook me because manny years ago that would have been an ordinary "oh ok a sign" but I hadnt thought like that in years. For me to see that and feel that way reminded me of how I once was. Thanks for explaning your view on it.

Maleeha. Refugees!!!! That's awesome. I have a special place in my heart for that type of work. I still *try* to mentor an Afghani family in the area and they are the most awesome inspriing people I've met. So kind and hospitable and always grateful for life and the opportunities they have. Mash'allah. I hope you get it!!!! But yes, I think in some ways your attitude is good. I end up getting so frustratingly hopeful. Its why I got soooo bummed yesterday when I looked at things that maybe pointed away from me getting it. BTW- I just realized you'll be practicing in Ca. I heard the bar for that is KILLER. Will you study for the Ca. bar in Mic? do they offer courses on it in MI? About the shoe, I bought some black flats from Ross. They were very cute and that way I didnt look foolish with one heel and my boot. SPEAKING of the broken foot. They didnt even NOTIC Ebecause each time I went in for interviews the secretaries would bring me in and I was always sitting there first before everyone came in so the greetings always occured wth me standing behind a table. LOL. All that concern for nothing :)

Maleeha said...

haha, see? the fact that they didnt notice your foot could be a sign too :)

ahh yes, the killer CA bar. let us not speak of the anxiety that consumes me when i think of it. depending on what happens with this job i applied for, i'll study in MI if i take the July bar or in CA if i take the Feb bar. i havent even looked at the requirements and the courses and the deadlines. I'm in denial, but I should really look at that stuff soon. *sigh*

ABCDlaw said...

Aisha,

Best of Luck. Inshallah, if its meant to be, it will happen, otherwise something BETTER is waiting for you.

I can totally relate to the anxiety though, and wish you well.

I would like to thank you because reading your blog inspires me. I'm taking my first steps towards becoming a lawyer and often times wondered why I was doing it(hmm might make that my next post!)Your blog makes me proud of my chosen path, because I see all the good I can do with it.

Your dedication to children is commendable, and I'm 100 percent positive that whatever your future holds, helping others will be in the forefront.

Anonymous said...

salams chica, aw, your dream job sound splendid, mA. iA if you're meant to get it, you will. and if not, khair iA , you can always pitch that proposal to another place during another time, perhaps with a bit more experience under your belt so implementation isn't as difficult.

jazaks for checking up on me, AH all is well, it's just one of those crazy times. iA things will calm down at least a teensy bit next month!

ps...mizzle, i hear it's fun to practice law in boston, passachusetts. :D

Aisha said...

Maleeha!! Check soon dear! Mine is due December 1 and requires all sort of funky monkey details :-(

ABCDLaw, is this Pyari? I'm honored that my blog inspires you to *do* law school. I actually know one person a friend of mine who was considering law school who claims that reading my blog made him NOT want to practice law!!! I guess the first two years I complained a great deal... ok... guess I still complain. Hmm why *are* you inspired by this? lol. I do hope to do something good with this degree. insh'allah... you'd be surprised how hard it is to get those types of jobs.

Salaam Shabs, glad you are alive and well alhamdulilah :) Wassup with the Mass. reference? Some sort of code message? :)

ABCDlaw said...

Yeah i'm one and the same. Just messing around with my User/Display names.

Actually the "complaining" part doesn't discourage me because I take it as a reminder that law school WILL be hard, not a cake-walk like i feel my undergrad was. Also I've started mentally prepping myself for the long study hours thanks to you!

Initially, UNICEF was my reason for wanting to go to law school-they prefer people with professional degress-but now i'm not so sure, all I know is I want to do some public service, hopefully it'll happen!

Anonymous said...

hehe, no cryptic message. just remember one of my friends telling me the bar is so easy in that state that they call it 'passachusetts' :)

Post a Comment

I love to hear from you!