Field trip for Aisha

The Georgia legislature ends this year's session tonight as members of congress pass/deny bills into the wee hours. I tagged along to the capitol with an ACLU lawyer to peek in on the fun. Sounds boring right? It was the most interesting experience I had in a while.

The Judicial and Legislative branches always struck me as intimidating noble professions being as they are the part of the building blocks of US democracy. I’ve been to a few court of appeals and state supreme court trials and indeed they lived up to the image in my mind. Somber judges in black robes walking in as we rise, gavel strikes, we sit. Very serious business.

The State legislature? Not so much.... I guess I pictured representatives in dark suits sitting somberly reading over the bills and asking questions. Okay. Most of them wore suits and they did ask questions but that’s about the extent of it sticking to the script I mentally dictated. Someone is speaking, no one is listening. The speaker of the house would bang his gavel and yell “If you can’t be quiet and listen then I’ll ask our guests to leave and I mean it! bang bang” It was a strange feeling as I felt the teacher in me apalled at the misbehavior before me! I seriously offer to you Speaker of the House some excellent behavior management techniques like counting to ten, turning the lights off, ten minute time out. Surely some of these can help.

It was weird to see. The speaker asked people to vote on an informal question with a show of hands and some members stood up and raised their hands, some slouched and wiggled a finger, I even saw one stand up and raise both his hands! Around 11am the speaker asked if there were any questions about a bill at issue and three people got up to ask what time lunch was and were quite miffed that a lunch time was not formally in the schedule. I saw people surfing the web. Seriously. There were odd intermissions such as “Nelly” who stayed up all night making jam for the members of the house “y'all doing a good job reprseantives” she drawled as she walked down the aisles with a basket of jam placing a jar on each representatives desk? Is nappy time next?

All in all it was quite an experience not one I expected at all and something I encourage anyone who has a few hours to spare to go and see. They are affecting our lives. Perhaps not in outrageous ways but incrementally bill by bill. And they really really really care what you think and feel about the issues. Just one person coming in and asking to talk to a member of Congress could change how that member will vote. Lots of outrageous stuff happens.... I asked a lawyer there how can this happen? How could they be allowed to do X, Y, Z??? And she said its in the paper but people dont react, their constituents dont hold them accountable- and that's just sad.

Sorry if this topic seemed kind of sort of boring but it was an eye opening experience.

Linkety Link

I've been meaning to share some interesting links... Hope you find them as interesting as I did and that it sparks some interesting food for thought and conversation.
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Eun Ha's recent entries (one, two, three) about her experiences and perspectives as an internationally adopted child are incredibly heartfelt and well written and worth a read. I also found this article which coincidentially came out around the same time about adopted children from China and their parents attempt to help their children appreciate their birth country (you have to register to read it, but it's free)
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Estarz shared this . Hubby says Talaq (divorce) three times in his sleep. Wife shares this with friends who being truly worthy friends relayed it to the religious community who declared them divorced. To remarry her husband they must part for 100 days and then she must sleep with a man and divorce him before she can be with her husband again. Husband says the words and the wife pays the price to undo it. The couple was married 11 years with 3 children and do not want a divorce. Even if you follow the interpretation of this community...He was sleep talking! It could arguably just be mumblings that a wife decided to embellish to come up with a funny topic for conversation at the weekly chai party. I can totally picture a bored housewife who always hears her friends funny crazy stories while she gloomily munches on a biscuit and decided it was her time for a "you wanna know something funny..." yeah that went bad... it's a jahil practice of which many Pakistani dramas are based on and deserves more attention by the community so it can be examined and hopefully someday, eliminated.
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Amanda shared this a few posts ago. A few Atlanta students did a five minute documentary to prove the 55mph speed limit is dumb. It's very funny but the last minute of the film is what makes it all worth it.
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False advertising. It's taken the blogworld by storm. The question: If a woman gains weight and/or stops taking care of herself as well as she did prenuptials is this false advertising on the woman's part? It started here, then here where the lady discusses how her husband won't take her to his office parties because she gained 30 pounds and then here and here and here, phew it just keeps going. What do you think?
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And finally Shabana shared a very heartfelt post " The overriding importance of a square yard of fabric" which intelligently and insightfully discusses the issue of hijab (head scarf) and Muslim women. It is the first time I've ever seen a conversation about the topic done in a respectful manner from people who see the issue from all different perspectives.

Meme Monday

I can't believe Sunday is over. Weekends always begin with such optimism with a list of roughly 4,024 things to do... but how much studying, housework, errands, omlette brunches and the crucial rest can one fit into 48 hours? And though I console myself with such logic, inevitably I am slightly disappointed as my to do list is not scratched off nearly as much as I'd like... Oh well... like the goldfish with her abysmal memory I will be just as hopeful next weekend for surely this weekend will be the one. Yes.

Enyur tagged me a while ago. I always wondered where meme's come from, then I met Enyur who actually creates em! This meme is: five sights, sounds, or smells that take you back to a certain place. I had no idea how many emotions this would stir up. If you do it please let me know, would love to check it out.

1. Smoke in the air reminds me of visiting Pakistan as a child. I never knew why until someone pointed out the obvious, pollution. Speaking of Pakistan I recently have a sudden desire to go. Not as a tourist but with family and for them to show me their village, schools, etc. My dad and brother went two years ago and the stories leave me wistful. He says in Pakistan you get a strange feeling as you look around you and realize, at least on the surface, you are not a minority. What that must feel like.

2. Giggling children holding lunch boxes standing outside the capitol remind me of being a teacher. Hearing their laughter, and seeing the teachers exchanging sighs make me feel like an outsider looking in to what was once my life.

3. Green Day's "Time of your life" song brings back memories of living at home when parents and brothers all lived under one roof: Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go... It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time. I hope you had the time of your life. So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind. Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time... For what it's worth it was worth all the while. When this song plays I am lying on the couch watching "Boy Meets World" on a lazy Summer evening with my brothers, Aamir ofcourse sprawled on the love seat, Ali with a throw pillow on the floor... or playing tennis with my dad by the ocean, shopping with my mom. Sometimes it hits me they are not just a quick drive away and I feel so homesick it makes my heart ache.

4. Strong gusts of wind remind me of Hurricane Andrew which in 1992 came to my part of Florida and destroyed everything. I remember at my new school they had a support group. But I didn't feel tramatized. For me the only real remnant of the Hurricane that lasts with me is the sound of howling wind or the feel of it trying to run through me. I remember the eve before the storm gusts were stronger than normal and I delighted in their strength helping me swing higher and preventing my movements at times when I walked. Now those gusts that once propeled my swings to new heights can stop me in my tracks in inexplicable unease.

On Trolls

Internet Troll: One who posts rude or offensive messages on the Internet to disrupt discussion or to upset its participants. They delight in sowing discord on the Internet by starting arguments and upsetting people.

Recent conversations with a few bloggy friends led us to the conclusion that a lot of people in the bloggiverse who, perhaps due to naivete, newness to blogging, or simply because they're inherently bitter rude people have been leaving aggressive comments putting people on the defensive and many a little upset. The term for such people is trolls of whom there are various types.

Though trolls are as unique as falling snowflakes, common characteristics include: fake names, never ending comments, never backing down until you give up, refuse to follow social etiquette, immune to reason or respect. As this article says: Trolls see the Internet as convenient venues for their bizarre game. For some reason, they don't "get" that they are hurting real people. To them, other Internet users are not quite human but a kind of digital abstraction. They feel no sorrow whatsoever for the pain they inflict. Indeed, the greater the suffering they cause, the greater their 'achievement' At the moment, the relative anonymity of the net allows trolls to flourish. Trolls are utterly impervious to criticism (constructive or otherwise). You cannot negotiate with them; you cannot cause them to feel shame or compassion; you cannot reason with them. They cannot be made to feel remorse. For some reason, trolls do not feel they are bound by the rules of courtesy or social responsibility" (thanks for the link Tee)

Ofcourse having a blog means that some people will leave rude, vicious, hateful comments, and such people will often insist "if you can't take the heat leave the kitchen" or some other variant of freedom of speech argument. But this link said well: while we may have the right to say more or less we want, we do not have the right to say it wherever we want. You may feel strongly about the fact that your neighbour has not mowed his lawn for two months, but you do not have the right to berate him in his own living room. Similarly, if a webmaster tells a troll that he is not welcome, the troll has no "right" to remain. This is particularly true on the numerous free communications services offered on the net.

Though occassional disagreements are a part of life, and must be expected, rude and combative discourse is not acceptable in "real" life nor online. Each blog has an audience of people and most people read the blogs of those who interest, intrigue or touch them in some way. Shabana said it very well: If you go to someone’s living room and start knocking the china off the mantle and taking muddy shoes everywhere, you will get kicked out. If you start insulting me and my life and my choices, you will get kicked out without a moment’s notice. Likewise with this blog. This blog is not a space of free speech where you should be able to say whatever you want, no matter how outrageous. This is a space I maintain for connection, for uplifting of spirits, for positive expression, for sharing good things. There are many reasons to blog. It’s definitely not about subjecting myself to nastiness.

I will never understand how some people have such free time to read blogs of those they look down upon but this link explains why people troll: Regular net users know how delightful it is when somebody responds to something they have written. It is a meeting of the minds, which is an intellectual thrill, but it is also an acknowledgement of one's value — and that can be a very satisfying emotional reward.Trolls crave attention, and they care not whether it is positive or negative. They see the Internet as a mirror into which they can gaze in narcissistic rapture.

How to deal with a troll? The experts on the sites I shared on trolls say: The only way to deal with trolls is to limit your reaction to reminding others not to respond to trolls. And finally Shabana said it very well in another post: "You will spend 10 minutes typing the comment and it will take me a second to hit the delete button. Hopefully, during the time you type, some other person in your life will be safe from your negative energies"

All of this is ofcourse my opinion, my views. This is my place to express them. You may disagree and its okay as long as it is done with respect and if its not under psuedonyms and aliases I will listen and respond. However, if I find your "opinion" offensive I will remove it and the judge of its "offensiveness" is me. Like Shabana said if you have the right to be hateful towards me, I have the right to click delete.

The chicken- it caught fire- or did it?

I'm sick. The usual symtoms, runny nose, fever, chills, itchy throat. A normal person would drink plenty of fluids and get some rest. What do I do? I run four miles (because I have been making really good time these days and wanted to keep it up) and decide to cook five meals including broiled chicken shish kebob which I've never done before but I saw this recipe and couldn't resist. In my defense the plan was not to make five dishes, but as I started prepping the sheesh I thought "oh why not just one more dish since I'm up" and so it went until stove top, oven and broiler were all going steady.

So I put the shish in the broiler and I'm chopping onions here, sprinkling parsley there when as I'm chopping the potatoes I'm about to roast, the smoke alarm goes off taking me totally off guard and in the process my brain neglected to tell my hands, "stop! let us see whatever is the matter" ouch! So as Kashif runs up to wave the smoke alarm off and grab me a band-aid as I'm hovering in a corner in pain I see an orange glare. I look under the pots and instead of blue flame its orange. I checked the broiler and all I see is fire. Orange and yellow flaming fire. So I throw the fire extinguisher at Kashif (smoke alarm still shrieking) and watched in horror simultaneously fearing the house would burn down, mourning for the shish that would never be, and relief I made four other dishes. Luckily Kashif had his senses about him and noticed that the wooden handles of the skewer caught fire (d'oh!) but the chicken was unharmed. (Infact they came out delicious, very bbq flavored)....

I'm feeling sicker than ever now due to overexerting and I'm really glad I made so much food because I aint going near a stove for a while...

Voila!

At last a new template! You like? I never thought I'd have a personalized template because I am the most technologically inept person I know but luckily I know some really awesome people. A big thank you to Huda who herself considered this template for her site and quite generously let me use it. Another huge shout out to Mia who created the graphic and helped me further format the template. I hope one day I can help you guys in some way too.

I personally find black text on white easier to read so hopefully the new template will be easier on the eyes. I also created two new blogs linked on the top bar. One is my movie reviews, and the other my book reviews. They probably will get updated a bit more frequently once exams are over though.

When I showed Kashif the template he was a bit perplexed at the title: Perpetually Befuddled. "But honey..." he said "You're not perpetually befuddled." To explain my perspective I thought it good to provide a definition:

Perpetual:

1. Lasting for eternity.

2. Continuing or lasting for an indefinitely long time.

3. Continuing without interruption.

4. Flowering throughout the growing season.

befuddle

be·fud·dled, be·fud·dling, be·fud·dles

1. To confuse; perplex.

Growing up I believed with all the certainty in the world that my parents and teachers had all the answers and when I grew up I too would have the answers. Two years ago an inmate escaped from jail and decided to hide behind my school. We were on lockdown and as I was closing the blinds in the back of my classroom I saw the police running, guns drawn, into the backwoods. I felt beyond terrified but I walked back to the rug where my students sat and followed in the tradition of grownups before me, by reading a story like nothing was wrong. Growing up is ironic because you must pretend you know it all when in fact you have more questions than ever before.

In middle school I thought once I reached highschool I'd have the answers to life's secrets, then as a senior I knew once college started the answers would spring forth but the older I get the more I realize there are no easy answers to anything. Life is full of perpetually befuddling questions with forks in the road everywhere you turn, but finding the answers is part of life's beauty. I am not ashamed to be perpetually befuddled for it is through questioning and confusion that knowledge and answers spring forth. I hope I perpetually consider and wonder about both the darkness and beauty of our world and the darkness depth and beauty of my own soul. This is my little corner to express thoughts, find answers, or ponder the imponderables and for that reason I find the title aptly suitable.

Procrastination Nation

Hello, and welcome to Procrastination Nation! Sit down, relax! For this is what we do here. Ok- I'm not really procrastinating, but doesn't "Procrastination Nation" sound like a cool book? Very Oprahbookclub-ish. I can just imagine her introducing me "Today we are discussing Aisha's latest book Procrastination Nation" and I'll have a nice layered cut, a crisp beige suit and the audience will clap.. oy such dreams of grandeur... Guess I am procrastinating..

But seriously, exams are coming up in about six weeks and the stress... oh the stress.. there was talk it would arrive but I do believe it has set up camp and settled in. I have a weird relationship with stress. I dont notice it until it sucker punches me in the gut with a "yoo hoo" For example, this past week suddenly I have: Intense headaches which make my head a waterbed with a four yr old jumping on it, Chest pain, palpitations, Teeth grinding, Insomnia, Fatigue, Nightmares, Shortness of breath, Nausea. I never realized this meant stress. Whenever it struck I'd say "Hm.. whatever is the matter with me." I guess I associate stress with a person running down hallways hands flailing "oh god oh god!" or grabbing their head like in excedrin commercials. or breathing into a paper bag. I smile. Crack jokes. Me? Stressed? Blasphemy!

I figured it out last year working full time as a second grade teacher and taking four night classes at law school, and I was at a friends house and she's doing her PhD and she asked "how are you?" and instead of saying "well I am fine. How about you?" I told her my litany of symptoms and when I finished she said "me too!" And as we exchanged war stories of our physical ailments that were eerily similar I realized, "oh. I am stressed." In the words of GI Joe: Knowing is half the battle but I'm still stressed!

Shifting Continents

Baraka shared this very troubling trend of parents forcing Western raised desi girls into overseas marriages. They go under the ruse of an ailing family member or a cousin's wedding and soon the passport vanishes, strange male visitors come and go, and a wedding surreptitiously arranged. The British government is helping rescue these women. As they leave their homes their relatives cry out, "You have ruined us. You are dead to us." Though the girls felt relief it was accompanied with overwhelming guilt. I know a girl this happened to, sadly she did not run. Such is the pain of oscillating between two worlds.

It made me think about the hybrid cultures desi's create for themselves overseas. They want the new but desperately cling to the old. It is the struggle from which ABCD's are formed (American Born Confused Desis). How long does language and culture dangling upon a string stay put before it unravels?

I delight in new clothes from Pakistan, I listen to the music though much less as the years go on but even more importantly I have parents who lived in Pakistan and slept upon manji's and watched the stars on the rooftops. Who ate the sweetest sugar canes, and watched the elders smoke the hookah as a common place occurance not an event you pay 15.99 for in great "atmosphere". I can turn to them for a ready bastion of memories of the country that my skin, eyes and smile are a testament to. If my parents took me back to Pakistan they can show me where the land of my forefathers who with their blood, sweat and tears to establish a home and a life for thesmelves, where my father grew up and my mother went to school. These are first hand memories. They've done their best to give me my culture but its easy for them because it is who they are and despite their best efforts I am still a hybrid child. I speak Punjabi fluently, Urdu haltingly though coherently, yet my vocabulary in either is probably not even 1/10th of the fluency in English. Each generation becomes exponentionally a little more integrated and that is good in many ways as the US is a melting pot, but there is something about the beauty of each distinct culture that gives life flavor.

What about my children? Their relatives will live here with a life filled with experiences more West than East. If my language fluency is less, how much less proficient will they be? How much will they feel a kinship to the land where their anscestors lived for centuries? Will this make them more alienated from the megaculture since they cannot look to a parent to tell them exactly where they came from or will they eagerly cast aside the roots that grow thousands of miles away but nevertheless attach firmly upon their feet, their hands, their skin, their eyes? This past weekend my baby nephew danced with pure joy his hands flying in the air to hip hop not Lata, Rafi or Mukesh. He is cooed to in English and his parents know only this country. Will he get as confused as I did when people ask him where he is from?

It's this fear that grabs to the throats of parents who decide to take their children back home. Not realizing that the choices they made in coming to the new world, make such a backwards trot virtually impossible. Those who choose to Immigrate make an age-old sacrifice. They leap across oceans for hopes of a better life and future for their families. They leave behind parents, and friendships. Perhaps they did not realize you can only enter the new world with two suitcases worth of cultural baggage which inevitably grows lighter as the road grows on.

Technical Difficulties*** Fixed!

Seems my blog's acting funny. I use firefox and it's not showing up odd... so I'm trying to fix it but not sure if its doing anything.... Does it look normal to you?

Thank you Aman for figuring out the trick!

Twenty Questions- sort of...***

***updated with some answers from you . You guys are fabulous. Simply Fabulous. Thanks!***

Just came back from sunny Florida. My parents celeberated their 30th anniversary and all us kids came down to be with them. The actual anniversary is today but since its Monday we pulled a "president's day" and observed it on Friday. Kashif and I have not yet seen four years together, 30 years seems unfathomable. Ami and Abu say that year one is as vivid in their minds as though it was yesterday. Time has a way of flying. We hadn't driven in years to Florida choosing instead to fly and I forgot how thoughtful one can become on a long road trip. Pen and paper had not been so intimate in a very long time as the time to think and the trip itself lent to much food for thought. Hopefully I can find time to share some soon.

On a random tangent, I had a list of questions that I'm trying to figure out the answers to. Yes you will quickly see how random they all are... but considering your various lifestyles and backgrounds surely you can give me some advice or opinions to help me. Any advice or opinion appreciated, I am so very troubled about #18.

1. Why do people do email addresses on the web like: jon at hotmail dot com instead of jon@hotmail.com? to avoid spammers who troll for email addresses, to avoid outlook express from popping up everytime you click on it

2. I wore a Pakistani bridal outfit on my wedding and normally we wear them again at a family member's wedding or something. But if you wore the traditional white wedding gown, do you wear it again? No

3. My front left gas stove top is not working. It clicks and all you smell is gas- no flame. The other three work fine. How does one fix this? Could be clogged, ignition could be broken, flint needs to be replaced. First try to clean/unclog if nothing works call in repairman to check the flint.

4. Have you lived in Brazil or visited? I wanted to take a weekend trip out of Rio with Kashif while I'm there and can't figure out a place we could see in a weekend's time be it a car ride or flight? Thanks Subhana! Corcovado, Copacabana, Tijuca, Ilha Grande, Samba shows.

5. Have you learned a language through cassettes? I have quite the commute to/from school and wanted to get some Portugese cassettes but there are a million and a half series. Have you found success with one in a language you wanted to learn? Pimsluer, Rosetta Stone

7. Does anyone know how to make a cilantro based dressing with peanut sauce? Cheesecake factory has a great dressing, and its a goal in my 101 in 1001. THANKS Baraka! http://www.recipegoldmine.com/ccC/c354.html

8. How long can you keep leftovers in the fridge before you must throw it away? I kind of estimate but is there a set amount of days for chicken, beef, fish?

10. How long can you freeze things in the freezer? I always thought it was indefintely if its sealed well but someone said it has its limit and it can go bad in the freezer?

11. The first book my parents read me had to do with a boy named Pele getting a coat made from a lamb and they go through the whole thing of how wool is made. Lots of knock offs of this but never found the original book which I believe is called Pele's Coat. Anyone heard of it? I'm looking for it.

12. Have any of you gone to law school and not been a lawyer? If so what did you end up doing? Are you happy? Opened a bakery

13. Where can I find copper pans to hang up over my island? I have a nice wooden thingie with hooks to hang nice copper pots but never know where I can get affordabble copper pans to hang just for decor?

14. What's the best way to clean mexican tiles? bon ami

15. How can you whip whipped cream from the heavy whipping cream box and make it look like the whipped cream you get from the store prewhipped and creamy? lots of suggestions in the comments, basically keeping it cold while you whip is key but I think Ill stick to store bought considering how complicated it sounds to do.

16. Do you know of any brand that sells the type of tea that is used in "loose tea" meaning nice tea leaves not the nasty ones in the tea bags.. but actually is in tea bags making it easier to use? Lipton Yellow Label, Republic of Tea, Tazo, Tea in tea balls

17. Can you tell the difference between diet pepsi and diet coke? Because I can. I refuse to drink diet pepsi but people claim its all in my head? Though yes I'm not drinking it with the full flair I once did. Yes there is a difference.

18. Very troubling. We came home today and all the water faucets be it sink or shower, the water is coming out funny. Making strange noises and coming out inconsistently. Sometimes its fine and then sometimes its not. It wasn't freezing over the weekend and nor did we put the thermostat low. But it's all the pipes upstairs. What does this mean? Anything we can do? Water main might have been affected over the weekend, which might be true as I noticed service people fixing stuff around our subdivision, air could have gotten in the pipes, it's working fine now though so hopefully it was just temporary issue.

19. For the past month I have very vivid dreams. I talk in my sleep, I wake up crying occasionally. I have multiple dreams that I remember with accuracy. I dont undesrtand why all of a sudden this is happening? Does it mean something? Rehtwo may you could give me some insight here? I havent been eating before bed or anything like that... Wow lots of interpretations including stress which is probably what it is, lots of repressed stress..

The Skin Thing

Growing up desi is wonderful in many ways. The colorful shalwar kamiz, the gold jewlery, henna, luddu, luddi and fighting over the bill at restaurants. Recently a conversation at Huda's reminded me of the skin thing. Marriage in desi culture is for the most part very much a "Pride and Prejiduce" "Fiddler on the Roof" type of event with matchmakers and the local townsfolk whispering about the girl who is not yet married and trying forever to set her up with a dashing gent. People watch Jane Austen period flicks for a glimpse of time long ago, I watch it and see the here and now with different accents and clothing.

If you're Pakistani you have inevitably heard the auntie bemoan her search for a "lumbi gori pathli larki" (tall white skinny girl) for her son. It's a give and take commodoity exchange with the mothers of the daughters sighing "buss humko aik doctor mil jayai" (we just want a doctor- we're really not so subtly saying we want someone with bling). Perhaps in a facet where the first thing you learn of the other is their credentials it isnt so wrong to ask for such things but my issue for this post is the skin thing.

Most desi girls are familiar with the bleaching and the lighteners. PTV even has commercials of "fair and lovely" creams that will indeed attempt to make you fair and lovely. Because without being fair how could one dare call themselves lovely? What's interesting is that even girls who themselves are dark will say "I want my brother to find a nice light skinned girl" Why the self loathing? Is this a left over from British colonialism? Is white better? Indeed sit around a group of aunties discussing beauty and the word "gora rang" (light skin color) will pepper the conversation along with sighs regarding another potential bahoo (Daughter in law) saying "shakal mai pyari hain laikin thori si samvli hain" (her face is nice but she is a little dark). No sense of recognition of the spit they cast upon the majority of their nation who have skin akin to their very own.

Recently I saw a desi grandmother holding her grandchild. She looked adoringly at her baby and then smiled at me "dekho gori hain na? bahoth gori hain mash'allah" (look- she's fair isnt she? So fair praise God), and so the grandparents continue the tradition. My husband and I are not fair, will our child not get the praises to God? Will our child not be beautiful because of the color of his or her skin?

Though my parents told me I was beautiful I knew in my heart that being light mattered. I mourn the time I spent caring. I'm not a gori chitti larki. I'm your traditional desi complexioned girl. For most of my life I thought less of myself simply because my skin wasn't three to five shades lighter. I mourn the trees I didn't climb and the walks I did not take and the beaches I did not walk upon for fear the sun was too high.

I wrote this poem when I was 14 for Black History Month, but I feel it applies to our modern desi world. I pray that the next generation will learn to love themselves and instead of trying to change their skin will embrace it as beautiful gift from God, because it is.

The color of my eyes black
The color of my hair black
The color of my skin black

The color of my will steel
The color of my mind bronze
The color of my heart gold

Then why do you sit and stare at me so
your eyes so icy distant cold

for I am a person
with a heart of gold

-Aisha-

Plethora of books

Sitting here watching the Oscars and blogging and eating an apple. Huda tagged me for this meme. I love books. Love love love them (incase the length of this post didn't give you a clue about that!) I didnt exactly stick to the meme so if you want to do it the "right" way you can check hers out. This actually took a long time to do... if you do it please let me know, would love to read it!

Favorite Children's Books. Growing up reading took me to different worlds and back. Some I read as a child, some to children.

The Secret Garden. This book was magic and hope wrapped in one. I would look out my window and close my eyes pretending to see the looming walls inside which the most beautiful secret garden lay waiting to be discovered. At Michigan State I saw the secret garden recreated. I hadn't thought about the book in years but as I walked through the garden past the bench overlooking the fountain I was 11 again at last in the garden of my dreams.

Up a Road Slowly. I read it. Finished it. Read it again. Repeat. It follows a girl coming of age. I remember there was one part in the book when she recovered from a broken heart: there are numerous poems about love, the agony of broken hearts but where are the poems of hearts that heal? That is the most beautiful feeling in the world.

The Giving Tree. If you're a parent read this to your child. This book is one of those books that means one thing as a child, and another as an adult. As a child it made me smile, as an adult it moved me to tears. Must read to all kids!


Lafcadio the Lion who shot back. My 2nd grade teacher read this book to us, as a teacher I too read it to my students. One of the funniest children's books that could inspire your kid to love reading. It may seem silly on the surface but there are so many themes if you read it with your child.

Lemony Snickets, Series of Unfortunate Events. I found this series as an adult and its hilarious. The writer has very tongue in cheek humor and you just can't put it down!


Captain Underpants. So it was reading time and I'm grading papers and suddenly I hear giggling. Suspecting trouble I walked over to the source of the giggles and it was two children poring over a Captain Underpants book. The next few reading sessions I too had my very own copy and sat reading with them. This stuff is original, funny and brilliant. Yes, it's very silly, yes it has no deeper meaning but isn't it important to love reading? Isn't it important to appreciate creativity? This series is great. And his picture books are addictive for children (and me) as well!

Anything and Everything Roald Dahl. James and the Giant Peach, Matilda, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, etc. I discovered him as an adult but his books inspire me. I love reading and watching their eyes light up. He is so creative and his writing seems effortless. Tip to parents, you can read this to your little kids and then watch the movies based on the books.

Favorite/Meaningful Adult Books

Waiting. When I worked at Borders I found this book on the discard shelf. Ha Jin's writing is concise but you can see clearly what the images he wishes to convey. It's a story based in China of a man in an arranged marriage to a woman he does not love. He wants to marry his mistress but divorce is not so easy in China. The story follows his life over 18 years. The story touched me because I know a lot of people in arranged marriages and beyond the lives of the characters it gives you a glimpse of life in China in this era.

About a Boy. I discovered this book as I tried to study for the LSAT at Barnes and Nobles. The movie is no comparison to the book. Great plot, and hilarious. I think it must be very hard to write, much less write funny and he succeeds in both areas tremendously. This book is one for just a good time.

Alchemist. I read this book while at Borders. I told Richard he should read it. He told Mike. Mike told Amy... within a week almost every employee had purchased a copy and sent some out to friends. This book by Brazilian writer Paul Coelho is a life changing sort of book. It's based on a poem by Rumi and is more a parable than a novel. There are so many parts from the book that just grab you that I think I highlighted and wrote in the corners of every page.I recommend that if you are searching for your way to purchase this book.

Veronika Decides to Die. Also by Paul Coelho and also fabulous life changing sort of book. Veronika, well, she decides to die, she wakes up in a mental institution after taking a fatal dose of pills and finds out that though she is not yet dead, she has just a few more days to live. I read this story and it stays with me to this day. It's not the best written book in the world but its meaning and perceptions on our society and conformity make you think.

Love Thy Neighbor A Story of War. Wow. This book was my introduction to the horror that occured in Bosnia. Peter Maass a reporter went to Bosnia and shared his experiences. It's a powerful book and images that he described stay with me to this day: (upon leaving a prison camp- an excerpt from the link): You are leaving the condemned, the half-dead, and the fact that you spoke to them probably puts them into greater peril than they already were. You had a good breakfast that morning, a couple of eggs, some toast, lots of jam. He had half a slice of stale bread, if he was lucky. You have an American passport that allows you to walk into the camp and walk out unmolested. He has no passport, only two eyes that watch you perform this miracle of getting out alive. You have a home somewhere that has not been dynamited. You have a girlfriend who has not been raped. You have a father who has not been killed in front of your eyes.

The Late George Apley. I read this book in highschool English. Every student in the class bored to tears with this book and me? moved to tears. It's based in Boston in the 1800's when social life was very much like the social life of desis today. Following tradition? Fearing the gossip of the aunties? Marriage? The similarities between our society and this is chilling. I read his story and I saw what I could become. And I vowed to learn the lessons that George Apley did not.

White Teeth. Zadie Smith's writing blows me away. I watched the miniseries flying in from England and I was hooked so ofcourse had to read the book. I could not put this book down. And this was not so good since the book is like 500 pages! Proof that she's good is she wrote a book Autograph Man which is not my style at all but I gulped it up down never-the-less.

Arranged Marriage. A beautiful collection of short stories chronichling the lives of Indian women. Jhumpa Lahiri's Interpretor of Maladies is great too but this is an under appreciated pearl. The stories are of some immigrating, some born and raised in the US, some still in India. It gives us insight to the their lives and you will leave with some stories imprinted forever in your heart.

What was the last book you read

Pilot's Wife. I saw this on Huda's bookshelf and if Huda likes a book, chances are I will too. I was right. This is a fun book and a page turner. Just plain fun. What I loved about it was that it had an ending a conclusion. So many books I read today dont' have conclusions, they leave you hanging really. This book had one and I liked that.

Five books you've been meaning to read

umm try about 21, my wishlist contains my ever growing list of books I hope to someday house upon my bookshelf. Read any of them? If it doesnt show up you can search for it via aishacs18 at hotmail.com :)

"You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help" - Calvin

It's one of *those* days. A wallowing sort of day. I'm a world record holder in wallowing. On a wallow sort of day, one little thing and my mood twists into a pretzel. I'm betting roughly half the world can relate. There is the oft quoted cliche which states: Life is 10% what happens to you, 90% what you make of it. Very profound.. in my hunt for the above quote I came across this one.. equally.. um, profound: I had a stick of Carefree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality- Mitch Hedberg. The man is deep.

So here's me focusing on the good...

1. A friend made a really sweet gesture about one of my writings. I'm too shy to say what it is they tried to do, but it means the world to me. You have no idea how that put a smile on my face and gave me faith in myself.

2. Today before Torts Amanda gave me a Mitch Hedberg CD! Thanks for thinking of me. And thanks for thinking of me with such a cool CD!

3. Going out today for pizza with a friend and her cute baby for lunch.

4. Today I ran 2 miles in my best time- ever

5. Spring break starts NOW.

6. I get to catch up on my studying... okay losing the happy thought .... oh yes! I will get to see my family including the lil nephew for a little bit of the time... happy thoughts back.

7. I got my paperwork to go to Brazil today.

8. I also got a paid summer internship that will accomodate Brazil.

9. A good friend invited me for dinner Saturday. She cooks real good.

10. I made really good meatloaf on Tuesday. My first time trying meatloaf and I was so scared. I hate baking because I feel so helpless. Put it together and... wait. Just wait. I watch it every few minutes wondering how its doing. I am not a controlling person... just can't handle food cooking without me stirring...something. But it came out FABULOUS. Here's the recipe incase you're curious. I have very fond memories of my mom making meatloaf and I always wanted to make it but it looked so complicated. I did it! Truly pleased. So pleased I bemoaned the missing camera charger for I truly wanted to share the marvel that was my meatloaf. Splendid. Truly.

11. Elmo balloon is still up and flying high in our living room. For my dad's birthday, my brothers purchased an Elmo Happy Birthday Balloon. This was in December. It is March. It is still up. If I could find my camera charger it would be on here. It's the little balloon that could. It annoys me at times with its big perky grin as it sways to and fro in our living room. I feel it taunts me. But maybe it's just smiling and saying "I dont care what you think of me, I will keep on flying high, and be me" That's sweet. Maybe scary that I'm personifying a helium balloon, but still, sweet no?

Feeling better already...

City Swept Under a Rug

It's Mardi Gras in New Orleans and organizers are surprised that residents of New Orleans have mixed reactions about it. They insist its good because it brings money to the city and that it shows the world that New Orleans is resiliant giving a semblance of normality.

But is that good? This semblance of normality business? Is it good to exhibit strength and resiliance when it isn't so. The city needs our help and for the past several months they've been forgotten. Does our first remembrance need to be a fiesty parade that we watch and smile"oh they're allright then" I wonder if a decision NOT to hold Mardi Gras this year would have touched a nerve, that an age old tradition could not go on because of the desperation of its city. Maybe the millions who poured into the city over the years would remember Mardi Gras.. feel sad it didn't happen.. and realize things truly must be bad...

Because things truly are bad. Oprah did a special last week about Katrina. I feel for my brothers and sisters suffering in the winter of the Himalayas but admit I didn't realize the still present destitution of those right here, just a few hours west. Lisa Ling went to Mississippi and showed Tent cities of people living in refugee camps while thousands of empty trailers sit because paperwork isn't done. If I had switched the TV on at this point I would have thought I was watching a refugee camp in a third world country. March 15 they are evicted. Emergency homeless shelteres will reach capacity. The faces arent all poor. Teachers and principals live in tent cities, using food stamps and port a potties. They say that the attention (or lack therof) to the people in Pakistan is shocking but I can't believe that in the US more isn't being done for its citizens.

Is Mardi Gras an attempt to sweep things under the rug when in fact things need to be aired in in front of all of us if there's any chance of helping them.