Thanks for calling 911, please hold!

I've learned to deal with being put on hold. Cable out? twenty minute beethoven session. Internet issues? Maybe some Mozart and an intermittant metallic operator's voice telling me that currently all representatives are assisting other customers and to please wait on the line for the next available representative. I secretly suspect that "all customer representatives" means one guy eating cheetohs while staring with riveted fascination, and a slight drool, at a scab on his wrist. Even as frustrating as being on hold can be, odds are in scenarios such as these its not a matter of life or death, surely missing one episode of King of Queens won't kill you. May as well put the phone on speaker, grab a book and a comfy couch and wait for someone to pick up.

But check this out, today driving home as I'm making a turn I see an accident in progress with airbag deployed and people not looking too good. So I pick up my cell and call 911. It rings. and rings. and rings. Then a cheerful machine tells me that all operators are currently assisting other callers and to please not hang up for they shall be with me shortly. I WAS ON HOLD FOR FIVE MINUTES. Had this been an actual emergency, whereby I mean a life was in jeapordy GOD FORBID what would have happened? By this point a burglar could be well in the house demanding a cup of tea!

I've had to use 911 an uncommonly amount of times (two of which were potentially life threatening emergencies) and normally they are quick and helpful staying on the phone with you asking you all sorts of silly questions that you in your panic stricken state think are meaningful and answer thoughtfully and seriously not realizing they don't care what color your walls are at that moment but are simply trying to keep you on the line to make sure you are okay until help arrives. It makes me shudder: what if the car accident had been life threatening?

911: here's some friendly advice: Hire some more folks. Keep them scab free. And don't serve cheetohs.

Input, por favor

Hajj. We're considering very seriously to go this year. When Malcolm X performed Hajj it transformed him. He was born in an extremely racist time in the US and harbored grave resentment. At Hajj he saw people of all the colors of the human spectrum interacting as equals and it changed his views forever. I longed to perform Hajj as a child but recently my eyes have grown clouded with cynicism. I've heard of people robbed during tawaf, women being molested mere footsteps from the Kabbah, stampedes where its each man for himself. To see selfishness and the shortcomings of man in a place where we all are striving to be spiritually complete, I'm afraid what that will do to my own spirituality. Also, though I am sure going to the Kabbah despite it all will be a moving experience for me on a personal spiritual level, at one time I read that it had great political and cultural significance and was almost a national conference to deal with issues in the Muslim world. Is this still the case? Some say we do Hajj to see where the Prophet lived, etc. But that can be done other times of the year as well. What was it initially envisioned to be? Is it the same as what is today? Have you gone to Hajj, what was your experience? I realize my questioning might offend some people but its not my intention. I'm seeking to learn more about it so that when we go I can fully appreciate it.

Speak or stay silent? I went to Borders to do some book browsing and was taken aback by a particular work of fiction written by an author I greatly admire and respect. It embodied every stereotype of Muslims and put it into quite a poorly written book (not just my opinion, many critics were surprised by his unusual topic and the subpar storyline). I debated sharing the title and expressing my thoughts on it. But I'm confused. When you see something like this do you discuss and create controversy or do you stay silent and let it simmer and die out. Controversy is the sole reason Salman Rushdie's Satanic Verses is still in print and what shot Boyz in the Hood up the box office charts. So what does one do when they see something they disagree with? Light a fire and bring attention to it hoping it will illuminate the truth behind the falsehood? In doing so you risk the fire running free giving what you tried to put out a new life of its own.

Writing Groups. I'm reading a book right now called Bird By Bird about the art of writing. Have you ever had a moment that you are thinking something and the answer directly came to you? Yesterday as I waited for my eye appointment I picked up the book and thought to myself, "I hope by the time I finish this book I can start writing because I have so many stories bursting at the seams but my writing stinks. Then I open the book and my eyes fall upon this: "I don't think you have time to waste not writing because you are afraid you won't be good enough at it" WOAH. Okay granted, its not like I was reading "Star Wars" and came across this. It was indeed a book about writing. But. Still. The writer recommends writing groups to keep yourself motivated. You meet however often is convenient. Set weekly goals. Like finish a chapter, or 300 words, or whatever it is. So I'm just throwing this out there to my quiet friends who I suspect read this blog... Are you an aspiring writer. Would you be interested? Please email/call if interested.

Me love me meme's

Have you ever had a heavy heart? It really is your heart and it really does feel heavy as though burdened with something it both cannot remove nor necessarily wants to. The current situation in the middle east, the tsunami in Java, an intense encounter with clients at work today, "finding my footing" issues... leave me drained save the heart that aches. My dad once said politics moves like the wind, and like the wind I can't control it. Sitting, fretting, burdening a day with sadness over things I have absolutely no power to change does no good. But it still hurts. To be a silent witness to pain on both a global level and pain in the person sitting across the table from me who has lost so much and yet smiles, shaking my hand, thanking me for coming.

I've been meaning to write my final Brasil post, update my movie reviews (which I finally did a few) but I guess all these thoughts jumble up leaving me a bit tongue tied. Hopefully the cat'll give me back my tongue soon enough.

In the meantime... why not a meme?

I am? unsure of my footing
I want? to eventually find out
I wish? there was less pain in the world
I hate? hating
I miss? making sand castles by the ocean
I fear? more than I should
I hear I am not? a morning person
I hear I am? of tree hugging tendencies
I dance? for comedic relief
I sing? Jewel with all my heart and soul.
I cry? entirely too much
I am not always? the same
I make with my hands? fantastic doodles
I write? not nearly enough.
I confuse? the location of my keys
I need? a pager to find them
I should? be getting ready for bed
I start? feeling hopeless....
I finish? knowing the power of love and humanity should never be underestimated.

Raisin in the sun

"You're a former gator?" the deputy asked me with a big grin at the courthouse. He seemed to stand a little taller. "I was offered a chance to play for them. Lineback." Shakes his head and sighs with a smile, "I was young. You know how youth is, lots of decisions you make, most of them bad. Sometimes I stop to think what my life could have been..." He pauses, a wistful look on his face. He's not talking to me anymore.

There is a strange comfort in dreaming of what could have been. Knowing the depths of potential buried within and seeing in your minds eye what should have, could have, been yours. The fortune you were meant to have. The book titles bearing your name. You can taste it as real as snowflakes upon your tongue.

Most dreams live in the recesses of ones mind. Perched atop a pedestal, polished, shiny, untouched. One dares not remove it from its esteemed place upon the mantle for to pursue it we must hold it in our hands and lay it upon the streets of New York amid strangers trampling feet. In that is the utter irony of a dream. To realize it one must burn profusely. But in doing so one may burn the dream itself. And a dream sullied with indelible marks cannot comfort us in the dark nights when we lay our heads to sleep.

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

---Langston Hughes---

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince: Book Six

I am late to the game. Harry Potter's book six came out about a year ago and I just got around to reading it. I resisted the Harry Potter series for quite a while. I worked at Borders during the craze over book three and saw the half dazed looks of eager children, teens and adults grabbing the books as though it were sacred water from an enchanted oasis that they as dedicated travelers migrated on camel for one hundred miles in the hot sun to purchase. Really. Personally, I poo pooed such literature. Give me Sylvia Plath or Virginia Wolf, something oozing with goobity gobs of meaning. When I finally quite grudgingly picked up a copy and actually read book one to see what the big deal was, I suddenly got it. JK Rowlings is a gifted storyteller. She creates the story so well that I who am ordinarily averse to anything smelling remotely of science fiction or fantasy read it believing every word about Unicorns and enchanted cars. It's fun and according to some there actually are layers of depth for those interested in unearthing it.

**Warning: Though it is all together quite possible I am the last Potter aficianado to have finished the latest book I do want to warn of upcoming spoilers for the unwary. I repeat: spoilers ahead for all two of you who did not read the latest book, proceed at own risk!**

Adverbmania. I think the quality of her writing was not the same as it normally is. Adverbs are nails on chalkboard for me and someone of her writing caliber has no business using them in every other sentence of the book. Some websites estimate its roughly 15 per page. You know this book is good when I go through it despite fifteen nail on chalkboard moments per page.

Ginny and Harry sitting in a tree? JK Rowlings as great of a writer as she is, is not too good with the love storylines. I didn't buy the Harry/Ginny thing. I know that she had a crush on him for a while but in this book she really seemed over him. Yet when he kissed her the next thing you know they were dating. And they just didn't develop it except for some awkward "he felt a rumblin in his chest" huh? I dont know, I guess its proof a good writer can still have room for improvement. I personally thought Hermione and Harry would have been a better match. What about the Hermione and Ron thing? There was awkward jealousy but nothing matured.

Dumbeldore, say it aint so. I was so sad Dumbeldore died. I feel like in each book I look for him to make things better. He's a good teacher and he's patient and kind and just. He also knew what he was doing most of the time. So what happened? Is he really dead? Clearly some people don't think so. There are many loop holes in the whole story that make his coming back entirely possible. He had told Draco that he could make it appear as though he had died and thus save Draco the awful choice of becoming a murderer. So if he could give that appearance for Malfoy could he not have Snape done this as well? The only thing throwing me off is the immobilizing curse on Harry broke once Dumbeldore died. As soon as. Huda also pointed out that Dumbledore's portrait is in the headmaster's office now which ordinarly only happens when you're dead. But then again he was sleeping in it. Maybe he's not really there. Its just a fake? I mean if he was actually in the portrait couldn't they have asked him what happened. Those portraits can talk so why wouldn't Dumbledores? Ofcourse it is also entirely possible that Dumbeldore died and that's the end of that just like Sirius Black died. I still hope in the back of my head its not the case though.

No more Hogwarts? According to Harry he ain't returning to school for the last year. I think that would be very foolish. First of all, it would kill the structure the book has taken these past six books with each year being one year of school culminating in his final year in book seven.. Besides book structure, we saw in this book that he is not very skilled. He cheated his way through potions. He could not hurt Snape though his passion to attack him was stronger than ever. If he can't counter Snape how can he counter Voldemort?

Snape: Snake or Scrapegoat? Most people despise Snape. I think he's really cool. He's the villian you love to hate. I think if he killed Dumbledore it was because he had to. Dumbledore trusted him completely. Would he say that about just anyone? Most sites say that when Dumbledore said "snape.. please" in that moment of impending doom he was saying "please dont blow your cover. kill me" but what if it is as simple as it appeared and dumbledore was saying "please dont kill me. please fight the death eaters and save me." And if Snape killed him and that's what Dumbledore asked, for Snape to kill him. Why? Wouldnt the death eaters have done it if Dumbledore wanted to die? Why did he need to have Snape come over and kill him. That leads to me wondering if he didn't kill Dumbledore but just did some sort of spell or something that makes it appear he is dead but actually is not. Personally I think Snape is like a CIA agent infilitrating the Mafia or something. Its sad he had to kill one of his own but this cause is bigger than every individual person (except maybe Harry). Dumbledore gave hints thoughout that he was not afraid to die for the cause. I don't that Dumbeldore wanted to die as he tried to talk Draco out of killing him, but that if it came down to it, that Snape could not blow the cover. I find it odd that trusting Snape was made into such a huge deal. It had to mean something right?

Harry the Horcrux? So this is the most troubling part. A lot of people think that Harry is one of the Horcurxes that hold Voldemort's soul. This is very plausible as he does have a very visible scar on his forehead from Voldemort's attempted murder. The sorting hat who knows where all the children go, in the first book, had a hard time trying to figure out whether to put him in Gryffindor or Slytherin. This was made out to be a big deal. Voldemort in his youth was a Slytherine. Is it because part of Voldie's soul is inside of Harry so the hat got confused? hmm! Now what troubles me is that people who follow this theory think that Harry will have to sacrifice himself in order to kill Voldemort. This is a kids book in the end. I really hope she would not do that. I hope there is a way around this if infact she is debating this.

Beautiful Bill. I know this wasn't a big storyline but it got to me. I almost cried and I didnt even cry when I read that Dumbledore died. As the parents gathered around the bed wondering if he'd be okay I seriously felt like my stomach was hurting wondering what would become of him and in denial telling myself he would not become a werewolf. I really really hope he will recover and they will find a cure for him.

So that's what I think. What are your thoughts on the book? I do fully realize that I am quite behind the times on this discussion but your thoughts greatly appreciated!

Favelados- Invisible people

This is by far the most difficult aspect of Brasil to write about. Its a little long, sorry, but I had to get it out. If you read this and are interested about more of the dynamics of favela life, City of God (linked below) is a good film to watch.

I heard a lot about Favelas (Brasilian shantytowns) before coming to Brasil. Infact it was the favelas that frightened me most when deciding to go to Brasil. 1/3 of Rio's people live in the favelas on $175/mo. to feed on average, a family of eight. Favelas are not public housing projects. Generations ago the poor with no place to go went in packs taking brick and clay to public parks and built makeshift homes. Upon the mountains as you sit on the wealthy Ipanema beach you see the brick buildings built upon one another rising on the hills in the distance.

Each favela is a mini unofficial government with its own leaders that the government does not control. We visited two favelas in Rio and our professor had to sign treaties with the favela leaders to allow us in. The trip was optional because favelas can be violent and dangerous. Entering without a peace compact, you can be assured your odds of leaving alive are close to nil.

Despite the violence, favelas have complex laws and consequences. For example in one favela if two women are caught fighting their heads are shaved. If a husband beats his wife he is beat. However if the crimes occur outside the favela, the criminal has a safe haven for reprieve within the confines of the favela. If a criminal comits a crime in the city and then escapes to the favela the police can't just go in to arrest. They must report to the leader who they want and only if the leader allows, they can enter. If in the unusual circumstance the police forcibly enter, the favelados have a firework sytem set up that you can hear late at night as each resident lights a firecracker as the police drive by and the fireworks travel up the hills as the criminal can run knowing the path of the police cars.

The dwellers of the favelas are not considered citizens of the country that they have lived in for hundreds of years. They are the equivalent of undocumented migrant workers in the US, but they are Brasilian. The millions who live there are not counted. Their lands do not exist on official maps. There are no utilities such as water, electricity and sewer for them. (though curiously they have them) How do you expect someone to care about the robbery or theft they commit when they know that they are people who don't count. What lengths might you turn to in your desperation to be seen?

I taught in low income schools in the US. They had much less than their counterparts a few street over in a better zipcode. Yes they had an unequal playing feild with not enough resources and not enough opportunity. But the key is "not enough". They had something. I had no idea what "not enough" was until Brasil. The children of the favelas do not have a chance. At least my students have school. At least they have scholarship opportunties and loans for the truly motivated. Sure its not fair but my goodness at least there is some hope however faint.

The children of the favelados have no hope. It does not really trouble most. As one Brasilian student said in class "we need someone to clean our houses. I don't want to." In Brasil, to go to college you have to take an expensive entrance exam. You have to study- a lot meaning it requires time away from working to sustain your family. Lets say you pass- no loans. no scholarsips. Maybe a partial one but how does that help someone with nothing? I asked some of the leaders of the NGO's (Non government organizations) we visited and asked them about the work they were doing and how many of the hundreds of kids they go through how many go to college. Ten years, 100's of children and they could only recall two.

At the NGO's we visited I met children of the favelas. They were found sleeping on the streets and brought to the organizations where they have beds, food, and basic education. They are taught skills and are given love. It's amazing how just a little care to a child is like water to a wilting flower. The children of the favelas are the most incredible children I have ever met in my life. They are beautiful. Joyful. Gifted. And that is what hurt the most.

I cried after seeing the children. The little boy with the flower apron washing dishes and laughing as I took his picture. The girls in pink tutus crowding around me and asking questions. The little boys sitting at the computers in the NGO, particularly the little sweetheart with huge plastic glasses magnified to make his eyes seem wide eyed and curious. If life had been different, if circumstances.. its a crime in itself to not allow children with so much intelligence and desire and drive to not have the chance to rise above their cirumstances.

For now, they are invisible people.

Updated! (Finally)

Clicking on the links will take you to the actual review I wrote if you're interested. I'm curious if you saw any of these what your opinions were?

Movie Reviews:
1. Devil Wears Prada, (+)
2. Da Vinci Code, (-)
3. The Family Stone, (-)
4. City of God (+)

Book Reviews :
1. Second Summer of the Traveling Pants, (-)
2. A Long Way Down. (+)

Summer is awesome because I can watch movies and read books without any guilt in the back of my mind of all the studying I am forgoing. Yay for evenings to myself again albeit for just a few short weeks :)

Year Four... Happy Anniversary

When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.....
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches quivering in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth....
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
-- Khalil Gibran--

Why Brasil? Why?!?

Brasil lost to France in the world cup semi-finals today. *sigh* While in Brasil I only saw the reaction when they won but never saw what happens when they lose. If you're from Rio de Janeiro, or know of footage online showing the reaction please share! It's a shot in the dark but doesn't hurt to ask.