I'm a bit nervous sticking my toes into this end of the pool. I'm not yet a mamma and there's the chance actual mamma's won't be one bit amused by my baby mamma drama. But if you've been reading long enough you should know my intentions aren't bad. Im just pointing out some areas that non-mamma folks occasionally experience a little bit of, well, drama. If you've done these please don't be offended, tell us your side! (needless to say this is just some mammas some of the time not ALL mammas, some of my bestfriends are mammas. Really)
Mamma Drama #1: The sex of the baby is a secret and I will rub it in your face. I understand if you want to wait and be surprised. I get that. I do. But what I don't get is when you know, tell everyone you know that you know but won't let them know. For purposes of illustration I share with you the following situation:
Me: Congrats on your pregnancy!
Bobeena: Thank you *rubs belly*
Me: do you know the sex of the baby?
Bobeena: Ofcourse! We found out right away. We're so happy, always wanted one!
Me: Oh how exciting! boy or girl?
Bobeena: Oh, *smirks* We're not going to tell everybody.
If you know, and don't want to share with everyone, then to the people you dont plan to divulge this news, say "I don't know" I mean, what do you gain by saying "we know but are only telling special people" You're likely not Britney Spears who has to worry lest friends run off to paparazzi with the gender of the baby for a hefty profit. All it does is leave the branded as unspecial people quite sad and a bit down and glum.
Baby Mamma Drama #2. Now this is just a misunderstanding but I've heard many pregnant mamma's cry "people keep saying how big I am" Darling Bobeena, you are pregnant sweetie. You are supposed to get big. If you were not pregnant no one would dare say "my you are getting big" even if you were in fact getting big. All we mean if we say such a thing is you look pregnant. If you thought you were hiding that fact with your protruding belly, then rest assured we can all see it.
Baby Mamma Drama #3: People who keep the pregnancy a secret way too long. Yes three months is the typical amount of time people wait before announcing it. But the reason is not because its fun keeping a secret but because most miscarriages occur in the first three months! Desis particularly, take note: after three months people share. I have had close friends tell me 6 to 7 months into their pregnancy. One went so far as when I noticed a round belly on her otherwise slim trim figure and asked the obvious she responded with an offended "NO!" Making me feel horribly awful for about two months for offending her until I learned she was infact pregnant and at this point expecting at any time. Was it worth it to make your friend feel bad? I could understand if there were some kind of questionable circumstance, like health of the baby, or you're 15 and your mom doesn't know yet... but seriously? You're a married adult and there will be no whispers of a shot gun wedding.... what do you fear?
Baby Mamma Drama#4. Playing the trump card. If you make the naive mistake of saying something that could imply you're tired, they pounce: "TIRED?! You dont know the meaning of tired!!!! Wait til' you have kids!!" Infact, anytime you mention anything like "wow i just had an exam" or "jeez I had to walk uphill six miles after my car broke down in the middle of the night during a blizzard" they reply "you think that's bad?! Wait till you have kids!" I know being a mamma is tough but some empathy to the non-mammas would be nice unless you want the non-mammas to remain just that!
Baby Mamma Drama #5. Mammas who forgot how to talk about anything other than being a mamma. This one is particularly sad to me. I had a group of close friends when I moved here. We got along great, had fabulous themed one dish parties, and I truly enjoyed their company. Now? Some I havent seen in years, and the ones I do.. it's just awkward. Why? Babies, that's why! Somehow having babies makes you want to flee from childless people with hands flailing baby under arm. Why? Do we begin to have a distinctively repellent odor? To be fair some tried maintaining the friendships but it grew increasingly difficult to find anything to talk about. I suppose its natural that when you have a baby and care for her 24/7 you obviously have baby on the mind, and the lack of sleep makes you not particularly garrulous... but its sad for me as fairly good friends went poof once babies appeared.