Tuesday, January 23, 2007

On the elasticity of bungee cords

As a human being who lives life not shuttered away inside a giant cocoon I have been hurt and disappointed plenty in my life. My own stress, frustration and tears I can take but the same in those I love I simply cannot bear. If I love you I want nothing more than for you to be happy, eat kosher marshmallows, and frolic in gardens. Any hint or smell of pain or stress or devastation and I am suddenly a mama bear guarding her cubs with fierce devotion. But unlike a mama bear, the wolves and tigers that lurk near those I love are not necessarily tangible beings I can simply stand guard in front of and frighten away and that is the most painful feeling in all the world. If something isn't going well I want to know how I can fix it and if I can't fix it I want to know who can. And if no one can, then I feel like my heart has sunk to the bottom of a dark, airless well and I cannot find the ropes to take me back up to land.

So what is my conclusion? I guess I have no conclusion. Life is unexpected and life can be unfair. I wish I could wrench away all the aches and heartbreaks of my loved ones and balance them solely upon my shoulders but they aren't mine to wrench. All I can do is stand at the precipice, hold their hands as they jump and pray as hard as I can for elastic bungee cords.

11 comments:

Suroor said...

What a lovely and beautiful thing to say! It is awesome. I wish we all were like that. There wouldn't be any sadness around.

A bear hug for you!

Aisha said...

Thanks Suroor! Unfortunately that is the problem, my being this way does not eliminate any of the sadness in the world.... I just stand by helplessly with the sadness seeping into my own pores.

Tee said...

Beautiful and heartbreaking. If there was more of this in the world, "oh what a wonderful world it would be"...

mystic-soul said...

I hear you !...We all been there standing helplessly. Thanks for expressing that well. It was one of those post I read twice !!

Aisha said...

Tee, thanks but... I dont know. I think it would be a lot of depressed people :(

Mystic, I'm glad it meant something to you!

frenchita said...

hey aisha,
i dont think you want me here, but i had to say this, i loved your article on the danish cartoons...nice intellect:-)

mezba said...

Ah, you are where I was some days ago! Don't worry, it will pass.

Eating helps, but don't do a lot or else you will soon be depressed again! Spending time with loved ones, physical activities (SQUASH) and going for a drive down the city helps.

ABCDlaw said...

Your such a nice person to genuinely want good things for others! I wish more people thought like you, instead its sad but there are a lot of people who like to put others thru the same misery they once went thru.

I totally agree with you on wanting to make things right for friends that are hurting, only I get so fed up with friends who I feel are responsible for the situations they get themselves in, yet are unwilling to change their ways to improve. I wish I knew how to handle them better.

khonika said...

Life is like a roller coaster. If you get hurt, you have to get up and try again to do better.
Hope you feel better. :-)

Aisha said...

French, thanks :) And I never said I don't want you here!

Mezba so was the depression triggered by a similar situation? And yes eating does help the feeling but then it creates other bad feelings such as guilt you know :)

Abcdlaw, aw thanks. As for friends who create their own drama... I had a lot of friends like that once upon a time and I agree patience begins wearing thin after a while.

Khonika thanks sweetie! :)

momyblogR said...

What a wonderful words of compassion for the ones you love. I believe this is a true testement of who you really are.

"Great love has no one but this, that he lay down his life for his friends." Jn. 15:13 NIV

I hope this was just a "thought" and you wanting to share it and not a time where you are watching a loved one and unable to help.

You are truly mother material! :):)

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