Tuesday, June 12, 2007

On Justice and the Lack Thereof

I went to contest a traffic ticket I got a few months ago. I hate confrontation and the thought of appearing before a judge to defend myself intimidated me. But I thought- right is right, and I did nothing wrong. So armed with evidence I took the stand. I had truth on my side- justice would prevail: It didn't. Long story short the judge sided with the cop's version of the story.

This morning I got a response from the better business bureau regarding the issue I had with Mind Body Day Spa. I normally wouldn't have done it but did so in the spirit of standing up for myself. I had truth on my side- justice would prevail: It didn't. Long story short, they took the spa's word over mine.

Knowing how difficult it was for me to stand up for myself and knowing I lost twice and knowing there's usually something to be learned from every event in life I can't help but wonder-what's the lesson here? Aisha, you know how you get nervous about standing up for yourself and usually don't? Yeah, how about you go back to doing just that. I'm batting zero for two and to put salt to my wounds I'm a soon to be lawyer! Aren't I supposed to walk into a courtroom flash a big grin throw my hair to the side and passionately show the wisdom in reason? Was I never meant to be a lawyer, was it silly to spend three years trying? My friends insist thats unrue though agree a career as a traffic attorney probably isn't in the cards for me.

Though I know the world is not made of chocolate pudding, seeing the darker side of people disappoints and hurts me each time I encounter it. But recently I saw a show on forgiveness. She said its not as much about forgiveness as it is about letting the anger and frustration go and moving on. When I think of the judge with his passionless eyes and the police officer lying with a straight face I feel an overwhelming sadness and frustration I can't shake. But whats the practical result of dwelling? The frustration and bitterness doesn't reach out and tap the person who caused it telling them how they've upset me. No- they will never know how they made me feel, and it is all together 100% likely they won't care. If I sit here upset about the injustice.... I know its nothing but heading down a path from which comes no good.

Researchers found happier people didn't dwell on the sadness and disappointments in their life, and when encountering bad situations and let things go. Unhappy folks tended to replay the experience, dwell and internalize and hurt. I guess it comes down to a choice you make to either move on, dwell on it, or fake it till you make it. I think its important to believe that though justice may not come in the way I tried I will take respite in that even Justin Timberlake has reminded us that "what goes around comes back around" While I don't know if I can forgive and forget I can at least try to let it go and trust in the cosmic balance of life.

17 comments:

mezba said...

iA there are bigger battles to be won and you shall prevail.

Optimistic Guard said...

What you did was right, do not dwell on it but do not make this stop you from taking a step for yourself in the future. you are right what goes around comes around.

Maliha said...

Salamaat,
The lesson could also be in taking a stand or doing something right even if it means "losing." Sometimes just just taking a principled stand is worthy in itself and whatever we do, we should be doing regardless of the tangible results that we may or may not see right away.

Kudos sis for standing up to yourself and like Mezba said there are other battles, don't lose heart. ever.

Tee said...

Something I read somewhere has helped me a lot with forgiveness and moving on. I wish I remembered the source...

Forgive is not a feeling - it's a VERB. It's action. You CHOOSE to forgive, whether you "feel" it. Taking that action and moving on will cause your emotions to follow eventually.

This has helped me because there were people I didn't "feel" like forgiving - but I CHOSE to forgive them - not for them - for me, and I'm happier for it.

They say an individual only has as much power over you that you give them. Dwelling on how they wronged you is giving them an enormous amount of power.

BTW - The Justin Timberlake song has been my war cry for the past few months in dealing with the whole MIL issue. LOL.

"And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."
- Desiderata

ruby said...

Better to try than do nothing, you might not have been successful but you did make an effort and that is what matters. The BBB might be on your side but everyone who knows the name of the spa won't be going there, you've done the spa-goers a favor. You're going to make a great lawyer,iA, because you are a good, honest person and you will make a difference in the world.

Anonymous said...

Any kind of injustice is wrong and losing in a fight against injustice is even more painful, but there are such greater injustices happening on earth that this is nothing... cheer up ! You will learn to fight and win only if you have lost...

Anonymous said...

Tundiye baad-e-mukhalif se na ghabra aye uqab
Ye to chalti hai tujhe uncha urane ke liye

Don't you think, these 2 episodes will make you a better lawyer?

MYSTIC

Dwayne said...

First promising - if faltering - steps to a long and righteous road.

Great verse, Mystic.

Aisha said...

Mezba insh'allah.. just makes you scared of those bigger ones if the little ones seem so tough..

OG- thank you for your encouragement, it means a lot.

Maliha- that's true, sometimes taking a principled stand is right to do even if it wont' make a difference b/c its the right thing to do... we're never promised to succeed in all our efforts... but without trying we ensure nothing changes... thanks for the reminder.

Tee, that is a great quote at the end. I remember your post on the topic of forgiveness. Its hard to seperate the act from the feeling though. Because in my mind forgiveness is to now not hold a grudge and to feel posotive towards the person.... and its hard to wrap my mind around it... how does it make you feel towards the person eventually? Ambivalent? Happy? How long until it happens?

Ruby, your comment felt like a great big hug. Thank you so much!

Anon, thanks, I know, there's much worse out there... insh'allah its just a stumbling block.

Mystic- What is the translation of those verses? For some reason I can't understand. I dont know how this would make me a better lawyer... except I've sort of learned to brace myself for the fact that just because you're right doesnt mean the avenues you look to will redress you.. its a reality of life learned in a relatively inexpensive manner.

Dwayne- I see a lot of faltering but not too much promising here... but if you see it I will believe it is the truth.

slskenyon said...

I think it is more difficult for sensitive people to let things go given they tend to "feel" more dramatically, or at least perceive their feelings as such. I count myself among them. Or, perhaps I just dwell too much on my own personal experience. I am willing to count that as a very possible option.

Aisha said...

Slskenyon, I think you have nailed the issue I have to a tee. How do you deal with it?

Ahmed said...

That would bug me so much, argh! I'd be quite upset too. But after theres nothing to be done but let it go. Its important to fight these things though, inshaallah as Mezba said, you win the bigger battles :)

Aisha said...

Thanks Ahmed for your empathy :)

Baji said...

It is to remind you that those with far less power and ability have nearly impossible chances at winning anything that they contest. And that my friend, is why you are on the road to becoming awonderful, much-needed advocate of justice.

Zehra said...

this was a wonderful post, aisha! i am sorry that things didn't turn out the way you expected them to and that justice did not prevail, as you put it. i know how disappointing it can be when people show their true colours by deliberately inflicting pain on you, when in reality, there's not much for them to gain by hurting you or treating you in a way that they themselves would not want to be treated. i have just gone through a very difficult personal crisis myself and throughout the ordeal, my friends and family kept reminding me that everything happens for a reason and that i may not be able to grasp the revelatory message in all of it right away, but in the end, it is in living through these harsh brushes with reality that we emerge as stronger individuals. i know this may sound like a very cliched statement, but it's what kept me going and in retrospect, i understand why i went through all that pain and i am almost grateful that i did.

Jane said...

I'm sorry it didn't work out the way it should have--in either case. That is just wrong. I think you are right, what goes around comes around. Been here reading often, just not commenting. Haven't abandoned you, honest.

Aisha said...

Baji- that is true, thanks for the reminder :)

Zehra.... wow I'm kind of concerned now about you, I hope you're okay. I'm glad that you are learning from your personal crisis and I hope that it is well behind you at this point. *hugs*

Jane, :) Its okay, I've been having major computer problems myself which is why I havent visisted many myself much less left comments when I do make the trekk... so I understand. I hope yo'ure doing well.

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