I'm Useless, but not for long

Have you ever considered the word chipmunk? Like really thought about it? Think about it, break it down into its syllables: chip. munk. Say it 100 times. Pretty soon chipmunk will sound like the most ridiculous word you ever heard and you will suddenly forget what the word even means.

Thats kinda where I'm at with bar studying. I've studied the concepts, re-studied, and studied again until now I've reached a point where I almost feel as if I dont understand them anymore. So today I decided to take the day off and go shopping for the things I need for the bar exam and to comply with their requirements as in no flip flops, no cell phones, no watches that could potentially beep, all food in ziplock bags and only one bag per person, no perfume (they prefer their lawyers stinky I suppose), no wallets, no purses, and so on and so forth! It was rather fitting today as I was shopping that the Gorillaz song came on, in relevant part: I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad I got sunshine, in a bag I'm useless, but not for long The future is coming on It's coming on It's coming on It's coming on. Yes instead of cold sweats and palpitations and the fear of doom which is how I've been feeling these past few days, I'm going to go in confident! I'm going to take it ON! I may be useless, but NOT FOR LONG, my future is coming on! (Insh'allah- if you think of me please keep me in your prayers!) *gulp*

Seriously?

To your left you see a sign I saw driving to class today. I'm glad they made the sign bilingual because otherwise a Spanish speaking individual could've driven by, saw "Dentist" without the necessary translation and thought Dentist? I wonder whatever that could be? Perhaps it is a glorious ice cream parlor. Oh it does look divine! I shall bring my children to feast here tonight! I mean... seriously?

Aisha and the terrible, horrible no good very bad day?

It was one of those days. You know: alarm doesn't go off. Your car is at E. You're late. Traffic blows. The parking deck for class is full. All the others are $25 because there's an exhibition in town. The Hyatt charges $5/hr so you figure you'll leave after three hours. Class is done you give the valet the ticket and he looks at it, and then at you in a strange sort of way and says oh... the Honda? And you get nervous because he looks much like a doctor about to deliver bad news. And he tells you your battery died and they're trying to jump start it. Which they do. You drive out the garage but in your frazzled state miss the exit, take the wrong highway towards the wrong part of town with your needle so below E you didn't know it was possible, so ou take the first exit to the only gas station in the area which charges accordingly and has a line of people accordingly. Gas finally gets filled but your car won't start. And as you sit beads of sweat trickling down your neck wondering what you will do a cop pulls up next to you to get gas. And he gives you a really nasty annoyed expression when asked for help but says he will. As you lift the hood another guy walks over and says he'll help if you give him coke. This seems perfectly worth it so you buy him one and he proceeds to spill its contents over the corroded portion of the battery and gives a jump and says all is well now. It is. You thank the stranger and the cop sheepishly apologizes for being annoyed but he was on his way to help his partner on the side road who is out of gas after a failed high speed chase.

Though it took me 2.5 hours to reach home I can't get over how lucky I was that I parked at the Hyatt so someone could help me jump start my car. And how lucky I was that I took the wrong turn and ended up at a gas station where a police officer and a kind stranger could help me. I'm so thankful that there are people out there who will see someone in trouble and instead of thinking "not my problem" will finish the sentence "but I'll help anyways" Thank you kind stranger who will never read this but who I appreciate so much for reminding me of the good that exists in the world, all corners of it. And thank you Officer not just for helping but for apologizing. You helped me feel better towards officers again.

Thinking like a lawyer

Recently, a friend turned to me and said, I don't want to be a lawyer or even use the degree but I really want to go to law school! To which I naturally and normally (after a cursory check for sanity) asked huhhh? To which she responded as though it were obvious, I know its tough but... I want to think like a lawyer!

Think like a lawyer? What does that mean? How does one think like a lawyer? Here's a sample of what I'm thinking at the moment:

1. I wish I was napping.
2. Must not sleep on comfortable leather reclined chairs in library.
3. I hate school. Really. Hate. School.
4. Reality TV is really just going too far these days.
5. Wonder what we'll eat for dinner tonight.
6. Bubblegum is fun, in moderation.
7. M&Ms would be GREAT right now.
8. Mmm.... M&Ms...
9. I'm hungry.
10. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Surely you dont need three years of graduate school to think like that? Or should I be demanding my money back? This brain seems awfully similar to the one I had when I started the whole thing. Though, perhaps, its because I'm not a lawyer yet. Aha! Just one more reason to pass that bar! Oh the things that will be thunk!

Visiting Pakistan

I speak two Pakistani languages. I have a closet full of shalwar kamiz. I cook a variety of Pakistani cuisine and I abide by many eastern values. Yet the last time I saw Pakistan I was eight. I've longed to go for ages, but as family immigrated and we accommodated, the years kept passing until soon it was either this college exam, or that internship and somehow just like that nearly 20 years have since passed.

I've heard visiting the country of your forefathers is a feeling that should be felt at least once in your adult life. My brother went a few years ago and shared with me what it felt like to walk through streets where everyone appears to be variations of you. I want that. I want to see my parent's village and sit under the tree that shaded my grandfather, and his father, and fathers before him. I want to see history not World History, not Eastern History, but my history. I want to walk through the streets and blend in and melt away into a sea of anonymity and feel for a brief moment that I just am and that I belong.

Yet I know that in the same breath of belonging, Pakistan will remind me that I am different, still an ABCD- just on a different continent, and in a different manner. I know Pakistan will remind me that though I am undeniably Pakistani, I am also undeniably American. And that regardless of whether I am here or there, the split identity remains split. Still I long to know what it feels like to be on the other side of the looking glass.

I have an opportunity to visit with my family. Though I want to go, part of me fears it. The current instability in Islamabad is just an example of why I feel apprehensive. If you live there, or have been there, your opinion on your experiences and/or any advice on safety or anything else would be much appreciated.

Yikes

When the obsessive compulsive dish washing screeches to a halt... And the laundry has actually formed a pile on the floor... And the scrapbooking lays untouched in a corner.... And phone calls grow increasingly unreturned... And the blog gets updated only once a week... And you find yourself on a perfectly lovely 4th of July afternoon reflecting on the 5th year of your marriage.. and how five years just like that have flown by... And then a realization hits you much like the cartoon anvil in the Wile E. Coyote cartoons: If five years can fly by, then surely three weeks will flutter away faster than a butterfly wink. And that is when the proverbial fire lights under the proverbial behind and you sit down and you study with determination you never felt before because the determination is fueled by the most potent fuel on earth: fear, pure unadulterated terrifying fear, and that is when the studying truly begins.