I just finished reading Diaz's book The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, and one sentence hit me with the force of a hard packed snowball: Nothing more exhilarating (he wrote) than saving yourself by the simple act of waking- Junot Diaz
Which reminded me of a song I once listened to on repeat replete with existential angst: If I die before I learn to speak Can money pay for all the days I lived awake but half asleep?
Which prompted me to click on a link I bookmarked months ago about pursuing our dreams: ...we put our heads down and race from spot A to spot B. As a consequence, we give ourselves little or no time to think about whether we are doing the kind of work we should be doing... we guide our career based on an assumption rather than on a conscious decision. And, with at least one study finding that over half of all Americans now daydream at work about doing something else, it's clear that those assumptions are often horribly wrong.
Someone dear to me said not too long ago, I am a robot. To which I laughed. To which they responded, a grim expression, No really, I am a robot. I go to work. I go to school. I come home, I eat. I work out, I sleep. I am a robot on auto-pilot. He wasnt complaining. Just making a statement of fact.
Poor kid, I thought, except when I considered it: between the two of us, who is more aware? Sure his self-awareness is a sad one, but isn't it better to be aware of the truth, even if harsh, rather than living with false rosy fantasies?
I've been considering the trajectory of my life but in considering where I want to be I must understand where I am. Essentially, understanding who I am. Unfortunately I'm not of age to backpack the fields of Europe as I find myself. But perhaps, through blogging some light, however dim or bright, will be shed.
“To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to.” - Khalil Gibran