Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Let it be

Blame it on Kramer and his serenity now soliloquy but I always thought mantras were a bit silly. Until I got pregnant. Some enjoy every minute of their pregnancies. Not me. For me, pregnancy was a means to an end, and the means felt interminable. So I adopted a mantra: One day at a time. Forget tomorrow, the next week or the week after, get through the day. And day by day, nine months passed and I met my heart's desire.

Now that baby is here I don't need that mantra. One day at a time? What days? They fly by with the blink of an eye while I just try to fasten my seatbelt and try my best to hang on. They say the days are long but the years are short. The years may be short, but I'd argue that the days? They're pretty short too.

Now reality check: Mommyhood is great but mommyhood is hard. Sleepless nights render me a tiny bit tired most of the time. And sleeplessness? It makes working on manuscripts, cleaning dishes, folding laundry, instantly onerous tasks that this sleepy girl is too tired to take on. And this frustrates me since I'm not the sort of person who sits on the couch all day holding a baby watching Judge Judy marathons. (Now, granted I do watch Judge Judy. I do sit on the couch. I do hold the baby so much he probably thinks he's a baby Kangaroo. Just not all day). The other day I was reading Momma Zen and her words on tiredness:
When you're tired, be tired. In other words, don't exaggerate contemplate, bemoan, or otherwise involve yourself with it. Don't reject it don't despise it. Don't inflate it with meaning or difficulty. Be what you are: be tired. . . Be so tired that you will stop measuring the length of your hardship and stop looking for an end.
And that's been the issue. I've been judging the way I feel. Harshly. Like its not okay to be tired. Like I need to just snap out of it. And the truth is, its okay to be tired. It's not a judgment, its a state of reality. Instead of looking for the end, I need to just let it be.

The naps instead of sleep? Let it be
The manuscript progressing at snail's pace? Let it be
The dishes piling? The laundry not folding? Let it be. 

Let it be.
Let it be.
Let it be.

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

(The Beatles)


Sunny said...

That is very "zen." I wish I could feel that way about exhaustion. But it's not a matter of being too tired at this point. It's *severe* sleep deprivation (aka torture) that is crippling every single cell in my body to the point of sobbing uselessness. Simple tiredness comes later... this is a higher level. Sorry for the negativity, but yeah, it's not a good scene right now. lol

Anyway, to answer your question. As far as in-the-middle-of-the-night CIO, we haven't really done that yet. My husband or dad has been comforting them on certain wake-ups when we know they aren't hungry. The longest they've cried is a couple of minutes. But now we have four exhausted adults in our household instead of just two, so we may have to do some CIO. :_(

Oh, and thanks for following my blog! I am honored that I am the only one on your profile page. ;)

kmina said...

Yeah, I am so tired right now that I was able to close my eyes and actually phase out for a couple of seconds WHILE the baby was screaming (colics)... And it is only the 3rd week.
It is not easy mummyhood, the sleeplessness, the feeding, the worries - but having the baby makes up for everything, doesn't it? :-) Even when you can't see that quite so clearly through bleary eyes.

Aisha said...

Kmina- you're in the early trenches- it is HARD and its hard to just let it be. It gets easier though, I promise!!! :)

mystic-soul said...

Que Sera Sera

iamstacey said...

touche! From Sheryl Crow to the Beatles. Thanks for the ditty stuck in my head all day! :)

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