The very important art of making chai

It's been particularly chilly the past few weeks and while it had its downsides such as slippery slopes rendering one unable to leave ones house, it did provide plenty of opportunities to drink chai. Incase you didn't know, I love chai. Thewritemama recently asked me how I make chai and I realized that while I've spoken of my love for all things chai, I've never shared how I make my chai. While there are a million and a half variations on how to make chai, this is the way I make mine. The recipe is for two people because chai shared is joy doubled.

Everything you need

A sauce pan

While most days I boil up some hot water, toss a tea bag in a cup and pour hot water in, proper chai is mixed chai and for this you must have a trusty sauce pan:

photo source here

Cups

You might be thinking, thanks for adding cups as an essential component of chai making Aisha, otherwise I would've poured the drink into my cupped hands. Yes, cups are obvious but its important to pick the cup you'll use pre-chai-making because it doubles as the measuring cup. I pick the size according to my needs, like today after a late night with friends, I opted for this:

Whereas K who is diehard loyal to his sports team generally drinks out of his trusty mug regardless of the day or the moment:

Everything else

Loose Tea. I used to only use yellow label tea until my brother and his wife bought us some Putnam & Mason and now that's one of my favorites too. Good quality tea leaves matter as does the necessity of buying loose tea. Bagged tea is okay but the papery veil removes a great deal of the true flavor.

Cardamom. Just one or two is enough.

Sugar. At the moment I have 'sugar in the raw' but my true preference is white sugar.

Milk. My parents swear by whole milk and while that tastes best I opt for 2% because the taste difference is minimal and I will get more overall use out of 2% as opposed to a gallon of whole, of course you could also buy a pint of whole milk to use exclusively for chai. Due to nursing I don't drink as much as I otherwise would so 2% works for me.

Water. My tap water rocks but my parents get water from the grocery store while some use home filtered water. Water is truly important in the ultimate flavor so make sure the water you use is the purest you can find. 

Strainer: Used to pour out the tea when you're done.

Directions

1. Fill up your chai cup to the rim with water and pour into the sauce pan.
2. Turn the stove on high to bring water to a rapid boil
3. While water is warming up, place the cardamon in a small bowl and with the back of a spoon press down back and forth crushing it slightly. If you have a mortar and pistle this works better. Drop the cardamon into the pot.
4. Once the water is boiling reduce heat to medium and put two teaspoons of loose tea. [Some people add an extra teaspoon 'for the pot' while others put far less loose tea using one teaspoon for two cups. This really depends on how strong of a brew you prefer.]
5. Reduce heat to medium-low and brew for three minutes [I brew on lower heat to reduce evaporation. You can brew as long as you like depending on how strong you want your drink]
6. Return to medium heat and add one chai cup of milk. [This is a matter of personal preference too, I prefer my chai on the milky side, if you don't then up your water and reduce the milk to get the color and flavor you want].
7. Once the milk begins warming add 3 teaspoons of sugar. [Or more/less based on your preference. I prefer my sugar cooked in but some like to pour it in once the chai is in the cup, its up to you]

Extra Step [optional]:  I like my chai well cooked so I wait until the milk begins bubbling, about to pour out of the pan and spill out. This is tricky since its a matter of seconds before its bubbling and pouring out all over the stove so vigilant watch is required but so worth it for me. This is how it usually looks when its just about to bubble out:

Use the strainer and pour yourself out two beautiful lovely cups of chai:

As you can see with all my [parenthetical] caveats chai making involves trial and error as you figure out how sweet, strong, milky you want your drink but once you figure it out? Bliss in a cup. Have a different take on chai making? Do share! If you found this helpful I'd love to know as maybe I'll throw recipes into the regular blogging mix.

The Versatile Blogger Award

Aramalle was kind enough to give me an award: The Versatile Blogger! I know some of y'all have been sweet enough to give me awards in the past and I've never posted them because (a) I is bashful about that sort of thing (b) I never know who to pass it on to since everyone I'm reading is awesome. But I think its time to start participating and this time was easy because you're supposed to award it to your favorite new blog reads and since I've only picked up a handful of new blogs in the past few months this is a perfect chance for me to share with you if you're interested in reading them too.

 If you win you're supposed to share seven things about yourself and let the people who won know: I love to read. and write. and doodle henna patterns. while watching TV. or movies. because I have the attention span of a guppy fish.

You can award up to 15 new bloggers but I've only added these seven (including Aramelle!):

1. The View From Here. I enjoy Jamila's blog. She is a new mama and my friend.
2. Bakery Closed Until Further Notice. She makes me think. And I like that.
3. What Not To Do As A Writer. I met the author of this awesome blog about writing via twitter. Good advice, and funny to boot! 
4. Banshee Wails. She's a new mama like me and we have many parenting challenges in common. I learn a lot from her and and enjoy her updates.
5. Anne Allen. A fantastic writer who focuses on the topics of writing and blogging. I find myself bookmarking nearly all her posts.
6. Raising Brainchild. I've been reading her blog for some time but only recently bookmarked her once she began, to my delight, updating on a regular basis. We have a lot in common as lawyers, writers and moms to little ones. Her posts are thought provoking and honest.
7. The Write Mama. Another great mama blogger whose little one is just a bit ahead of my own kid so I enjoy reading the fun [and challenges] to come through her blog!

Hope you enjoy these bloggers as much as I do! What's your favorite go-to blog?

Three Beautiful Things Thursday

One. We're getting our chimney swept and I admit that despite the many websites I browsed I picked this dude because anyone who poses like this for their company has simply earned my business. This man clearly takes chimney sweeping seriously. I'm excited because getting your chimney swept feels so very British and I'm secretly hoping he'll do a little jig while singing chim-chimney-chim-chimney-chim-chim-churree a sweeper's as lucky as lucky can be. If he jumps from roof-to-roof I'm not sure how I'll contain my excitement. [Yes- my parents let me watch Mary Poppins one time too many]

'this dude'

Two. I'm cooking lots of Asian-inspired dishes lately, like this tasty Teriyaki chicken [just add lemon juice] so when I saw a deal for soy sauce in tanks so large no one save a mega-popular Asian restaurant the likes of PF Changs should be purchasing them, I ofcourse made a mad dash for the nearest Asian superstore. Unfortunately they were sold out so I went to customer service, except that between my sleep-deprived state and the non-English speaking salesclerk, our exchange was. . . unproductive: 

Me: Hi, hoping you can help me out. You're out of soy sauce so I was hoping I could get a green card.
Bobbi: *crickets*
Me: You know, a green card? I saw a sign that you give out green cards.
Bobbi: *crickets*
Me: Wait. Did I say green card? I'm so sorry. . .  I meant rain check. . . not green card. Can I get a rain check?
Bobbi: *crickets*

Fifteen minutes and an English speaker later I left the store with rain check in hand and the knowledge that Bobbi had no idea I was requesting legal status in lieu of soy sauce. [and because I know requests for a green card made by a brown person might raise eyebrows, I am indeed a proud Pakistani-American U.S. citizen thankyouverymuch]

'this teriyaki chicken'

Three. My kid? He slept from 8pm to 5am last night with nary a peep. If you've been reading my blog for any amount of time you know I'm currently engaged in an epic struggle for sleep so this is more beautiful than words can capture. The bad news? I kept waiting for him to wake up any minute and consequently got two hours of sleep. Still- he slept. Which means he might sleep tonight. [If you're interested in how this sleep thing happened I'll write a post next week. Still not sure if its luck or parental effort].

'my kid'

So in sum:  Unwitnessed demands for legal status, soy sauce of epic proportions, singing chimney sweeps, and the promise of rest [and fewer sleep-deprived mumblings] to come- do Thursdays get any better? Hope you had a beautiful day.

Aisha, the on-line shopper and my first giveaway courtesy of CSN stores!

Recently, one of my friends asked Aisha now that you have a baby do you still have time to go to the mall? To which I stared at her for a minute thinking, still? as in I was at the mall weekly before? It felt like she didn't know me at all. While I don't mind the mall and can happily spend half a day there with friends or family, going by myself just bores me. Most of my shopping is done online- its easy, convenient, and often cheaper. So I was pleasantly surprised when the awesome CSN stores contacted me to do a give-away of a $25 gift code you can use to buy anything at over 200 of their on-line stores which sell  everything from wall art and decor to tons of baby and child-related things!

I had the option to review or do a giveaway but I wanted to do a giveaway because simply put, you guys are awesome and I appreciate you more than you know. I don't get paid to blog but knowing you read motivates me to write on a regular basis.

If you want to enter its simple, just leave a comment letting me know you're interested in the $25 CSN Stores giveaway. To get entered twice, [or just to make my day- your pick] you can click 'follow' on the right and just let me know! If you already follow just let me know in the comments! You can connect with gmail, yahoo, AIM, openID or twitter.

I'm not getting compensated for this, its a fun opportunity I wanted to share to someone who reads this blog. As of now CSN stores only ship to the U.S. and Canada. Entries for this giveaway end February 4! I will pick a randomly selected winner the next day!

Q4U: Do you do most of your shopping on-line or in a physical place? 

If you a have a minute. . .

Tonight I'm thinking of Wiseguy who lost her long awaited deeply desired baby girl. I've never met her but the tears won't stop flowing. Your words can't wash away her pain, nothing will. But I know kind words can feel like lightning bugs in a world shrouded in darkness. If you have a minute please swing by and lend her your support.

On shedding guilt

As an education major I didn't have any guys in my section save one: Alex. He was there from the first education course through my masters. I saw him sometimes during internships joking with students or having lunch with them in the cafeteria but we never exchanged a word until our last semester. I heard teaching gets easier after the first year, I said. To which he snorted and laughed. I'm not going to be a teacher for more than a year. I'm going to be an accountant. That's going to be my real job. What man would make teaching their profession? The question that remained unanswered and until today I wondered was then why on earth are you majoring in education?

When people ask me what I do, I fumble. I'm a lawyer, but I'm home with my baby right now, and uh, I write. I mean, you know, I want to be home while he's small, but I'm going to go back to work. . . Yep, that guilt I wrote about feeling as a SAHM a few months back? Still there.

Then I read this article Baraka shared with me a few months back that despite making less money, working fewer hours with less upward job mobility, women in the Netherlands are not sweating it. They're happy. It reminded me that the guilt is a situational guilt of being a product of a culture in which a great deal of value and expectation is placed on working full time. I began feeling more at peace with my choice, proud in fact, and then. . .

I read this article [also shared by Baraka] about very compelling reasons not to be a SAHM since the financial consequence of doing so in the long-term are statistically grim. After reading that article, part of me wanted to print out a bucketful of resumes and post them on every telephone pole in town and the other part me of wanted to say. . .

Who cares? Because the truth is while being a SAHM is understandably not for everyone, I love it. I imagined drudgery, loneliness, monotony, but instead its the happiest I've ever been. I love waking up next to him in the morning, watching him play at my feet while I chop salad for dinner. And speaking of dinner, I love having the time now to try new things and expand our dinner rotations. I love working on my novel while he naps, and focusing on my other creative pursuits [oh- and reading articles- clearly I love to do that!] Do I sometimes miss the camaraderie of coworkers and power lunches? Yes. But not enough to leave this behind. Not yet.

In my last post about this, Sharee pointed out, We women are always looking for reasons to feel guilt whether it's over eating the last cookie or taking a well-deserved nap. She's right. I do care about my future career prospects but the time to worry about that isn't now. Right now? I'm working on a novel. I'm caring for my son. And I am happy.

I finally understand Alex. He didn't want to be an accountant. He loved teaching. But he thought as a man he shouldn't. If the life path you choose is one you can embark on with a clear conscience, a sense of dignity, and joy because you're doing what you love, there should be no guilt. Being home with my son fits the bill to a tee and I am not going to feel guilty about it anymore.

The art of meditative journaling

I've journaled since I could. From pink cotton candy books with golden locks to spiral notebooks and leatherbound journals. I stopped writing longhand once I got a laptop, opting to record my thoughts on Word instead, but it never really felt the same and I journaled less and less with each passing year until three loved ones sent me journals for my birthday. There is a difference in writing your thoughts on a glowing screen and pressing a pen between your fingers and watching a blank page fill with your familiar handwriting.  Incase you were interested in journaling I thought I'd share my process.

Method: You must be comfortable with the medium in which you write. Choose something you'll love writing in instead of what's on sale. I watch my pennies but when it comes to journaling I buy a journal I'm excited to mark up. My dear friend Tracy sent me a moleskine for my birthday and its now my favorite brand. Pens? Equally important. I use Sharpie fine tipped markers- I love the colors and the way the pen glides along the page but its really about whatever pen works for you. [Not being paid to sing their praises, just love the brands- but should anyone want to shower me with multi-colored pens and journals you will not find any protest here! :)]

Content: I don't limit journaling for only extremely deep and inspirational thoughts worthy of Walt Whitman's awe. This was a common hangup for me in the past. It's so pretty. I don't want to ruin it with my gibberish. A journal is meant to be used and worn- scribbles, smears and doodles:

My journal topics range from grocery lists, story ideas, questions for the pediatrician, the phone number for the cable guy, to more meditative things- the key for me is to hold no limit on content. By writing anything I want, I am more inclined to keep it near me, making it more likely it will be nearby when a  meditative thought or observation comes to me. Plus its fun to look back at your year in scattered notes of reflection, poetry and reminders for coconut milk because that is how life is, seamless. That being said, I do have a few things I write daily as a practice to encourage gratitude and reflection:

One Sentence Journal: I no longer have the time I had in my angsty teen years to write down the daily minituae of my life but a sentence to summarize the day, or a special part of it, helps you realize life isn't mundane- because it really isn't. We just fail to see this in the daily hubbub of life.

Five beautiful things: I do a Three Beautiful Things Thursday but write five beautiful things every day in my moleskine. Studies show people who write down five things they are thankful for on a daily basis have elevated levels of happiness and lower incidences of depression. This practice centers me and helps me realize that despite how bad a day might feel, there is beauty within. And major props to Susan who does this daily on her blog. 

Accomplished Today and Plans for Tomorrow: As an attorney I could define my accomplishments in clients interviewed, opposing parties contacted, my days were scheduled. As a SAHM my days are more unstructured and I run the risk of not focusing on writing, or reading, in favor of cleaning, and I also run the risk of thinking I didn't do anything of value. While each day feels brief its the stuff life is made of so in an effort to be more purposeful with each day, each evening I write down the things I accomplished from cooking dinner, running, organizing, writing, reading and I write down some goals for tomorrow. Sometimes its as simple as keep eyes open and care for baby on particularly sleepy days, and on some days its more elaborate and hopeful. Still, this has helped me feel and be more productive.

Journaling has been a truly transformative experience for me particularly on the difficult days when its hard to see anything beyond that which is clouding my heart so I thought I'd share my process in the offchance its of benefit to anyone else whose always wanted to journal but never knew exactly how to start or keep it going consistently.

The dark side of nursing- what I wish I'd known

To anyone who feels scandalized by the topic of nursing I urge you to stop reading now. This was a deeply personal and difficult post to write but enough new moms and mother's to be read this blog that I feel its important to talk about it particularly since months ago I could find nothing like it when I needed it most. Note:This is NOT a post about whether or not you should breastfeed- this is a post for people who are planning to and some advice I wish I was given before my son arrived.

I always planned to nurse. There was never any doubt. Then I had my son and learned something I did not and could not know until that very moment: I hated breastfeeding. I never hated anything more. And this hatred shocked me. Before I had Waleed I read many books on breastfeeding, scoured the internet, spoke with other mothers. I was told ad nauseum the benefits of nursing and warned about latch, supply, positions, but no one told that me I just might hate it with a passion. I didn't know why I felt this way. It baffled me. Yes it was time consuming, sleep depriving, sometimes painful, but it wasn't that. The hate came from a place without reason. I cried literally each and every time. I fantasized about running to Sam's club and buying buckets of formula. I switched to pumping- which was better- but still not great- and I felt guilty that God blessed me with a healthy beautiful baby, abundant supply, and I could not stand the act of nursing.

People kept saying it gets better but I had a hard time believing this. Two months, they said but two weeks in, two months felt like two years. I called my hospital lactation service, but they seemed horrified and I felt worse. I was about to give up. Then K went to pick up a lawn mower from a Craigslist seller. It wasn't revving and as they waited for it to warm up, the two made small talk with the usual so what do you do? Kate? She was a lactation consultant. We talked on the phone and she gave me advice and told me my feelings were normal. Some women get dysphoric milk ejection and its okay, it goes away with time, and not everyone loves nursing. She was busy lady and it was the only conversation I had with her. I began feeling hopeless a few days in when K, on the elevator at work making small talk with a fellow officer learned that in a former life she was a lactation consultant. I talked to April almost every day. She helped me work through the feelings. Gave me advice. She was my cheerleader when I needed it most. And thanks to Kate, April, and all the people in my support system, I managed to make it to the other side.

And now? Now I love nursing. Just like people promised, it got better. [Ofcourse by then he'd gotten used to pumped milk and it was a struggle to get him used to nursing again- but that's a whole different story].

Not everyone hates it, but if you are in my shoes, here are some words to live by:

1. Talk to a lactation consultant. And keep talking until you find the one that will work for you. Like I said, the hospital consultants were awful. Luckily K introduced me to two wonderful women. Most hospitals have them, LLL volunteers are a phone call away, as your child's pediatrician- they have recommendations as well.
2. Take it one feeding at a time. A few people gave me this advice and above all else, this is the reason I am nursing today. If I thought at week 2 about month 2 I wanted to give up but if I focused just that feed, and nothing more I could make it through. Feed by feed I made it to the other side.
3. Get a good pump if you don't want to nurse but want to give breastmilk. Invest in a good quality pump. A hospital grade pump will not only maintain your supply but will help you increase your supply which is important in the early months whereas a store bought pump will usually just maintain what you already have. This site has great advice.
4. It really does get better. I promise. It does. And if it doesnt ever get better, remember. . .
5. . . .Nursing is a choice. Yours and yours alone. The majority of mothers do not breastfeed and their children are fine. Don't beat yourself up. Don't let anyone else. Your baby needs a good mom, how you feed them does not factor into the equation. I am so thankful the people in my life gave me comfort and no judgments as I struggled with my decision. I hope you will be so lucky and that you will not beat yourself up regardless of the decision you make.

If you have advice for anyone else reading, or can simply relate, please share. I hope that anyone else who was in my shoes just eight months ago can find this one day and know that they are not alone.

This is your brain. On sleep deprivation.

After a night of no less than six wakings I sat down to jot a list of things we need but got distracted midway by a sleepy baby and phone calls. When I sat back down to finish the list, chai in hand, I couldn't do much except stare at what I wrote down:

1. Bleach Cleaner. Without bleach. Natural thing that sprays and cleans.
2. Fragrance free wash liquid you use with clothes.
3. Fat light for ceiling in kitchen. It dims.
4. Thing to clean hands. Made of paper
5. Tylenol. Not recalled. The other one.

Note to self: No heavy mental lifting today. No, really.

Cry-it-out and the fact that he reads this blog.**

You'll never know how much the comments you left on the previous post meant to me on a particularly trying day. 'Murgdan', Susan, Kate, Muslim Wife, Mystic Soul, Raising Brainchild, Kmina, Antonia, Stephanie, Sunny, Shawna, E, Ash, and anonymous commenters, thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to leave me a word of support, advice, or simply telling me you can relate and this whole not sleeping thing? It sucks. If you found my blog searching for 'baby sleep' [or some variation thereof] please read the comments of this post. I read them to K and slowly we're building some plans- borne not of frustration, the worst space to plan from, but from carefully considered options and making a choice, should we need to, though that's another post entirely.

As it turns out, Waleed? He reads this blog. Since writing the post, he's been sleeping so what other logical conclusion can I reach? When I say sleeping, I don't mean I put him down at 8pm and he wakes up like a cheerful chimpunk at 8am. I mean he wakes three times as opposed to hourly. I sing the "Waleedie likes to do the sleepy sleep" song [while he disagrees vehemently], change his diaper, switch to PJs, put on his sleep sack and read his favorite book before nursing and off to bed. After a few minutes of false starts he drifts off, I tiptoe away, and. . . sleep. Just sleep. Until about 1am, then 4am, then 6am and then up for the day around 8am. This I can live with. This I can do at least until he's off breastmilk and I'm no longer paranoid that maybe he's up because he's truly hungry. I'm not sure what happened. Maybe he needed his own bedroom, a spot away from the window, but he's sleeping. I know children are many things but consistent is not one of them so this might change tomorrow- but I'll deal with that when it comes and dare not hope for more than I'm currently getting.

And on that note. . . he's up?! Seriously?! Does he have a smart phone smuggled in his diaper and now knows CIO is being tabled for the time being [read: time being, kid!]. Still, this is better than it was. And for that I am grateful.

**edited to say: Five wakings last night. Oh well. It was a nice weekend at least. Pardon me while I grab some chai and manually crank my eyes open.

Cry-it-out: Skating close to the icy brink

Anytime anyone comments on our baby from the couple sitting next to us at sushi, to the UPS guy (seriously!) it goes like this:

Aw what a cute baby [or some variation thereof]
Thanks!
How old is he?
[insert month]
Is he sleeping through the night?

And when you say No, you get advice. Buckets of advice:

Add rice cereal to his bottle
He's hot.
He's cold. 
Gotta tough it up and let him cry-it-out

We've been urged to cry-it-out from friends, family, doctors, and the UPS guy and because we're not doing what the majority of people are urging us to do- K feels bad. That we're lacking in the parenting department. That we're the only parents whose eight month old still wakes every few hours all night long. I know that's not the case. While unpleasant and frustrating, I know this is normal. He's a fabulous baby, but sleep? He's just not a big fan of it. The problem is I'm a big fan of sleep. I think sleep is awesome. I'd vote sleep for president if I could. And I miss sleep. He's had three doctor visits each giving him a clean bill of health [Thank God] and the admonition that if I like sleep then I must let him cry-it-out.

I've written before about how I don't want to do CIO as in just thinking about CIO makes me want to cry it out. But. We've tried it all: keeping him in his crib, co-sleeping, bath before bed, infant massage- nothing helps. We even gave him one nap-free day with the theory that surely he'd be so tired he'd zonk out all night. Instead? He was a perky bunny all day and just shakier and more hysterical at night. Teething? Possibly. Except- how long does this whole teething thing last? It's been months and nary a tooth in sight. It might be the sleep deprivation talking but the cry-it-out concept is singing its siren song like Ursula tempting Ariel- except I'm not asking for anything as grand as legs to replace fins, just the ability to function without caffeine.

We were tempted in November but we'd be out of town for Thanksgiving. December brought Christmas in DC. New Year? K's parents were in town. [and the last thing you should do is try CIO with grandparents anywhere in or near the vicinity.]. But now the reasons to delay are gone but the crying? It remains.

We moved his crib last night and while it was difficult for us, he gave us the first four hour stretch in four months. So maybe he needed the solitude of his own space. Still, the rest of the night I was a 24 hour diner. My doctor says don't encourage him by feeding him late at night- but nothing will soothe him but eating- and if it will help us sleep- I'm game.

Now that he's in his own room- the question of CIO springs up again. CIO advocates insist its best for the child and that despite the hysterics and screams, they want you to do it and that its the first of the many things we do to discipline our children. What Aisha? You can't handle this? What are you going to do when he hits his classmate and cries when you send him to his room? I know as a parent I'll have to impart discipline that might make him cry but those will be at ages I'd like to think he'll understand why he's being disciplined. Right now? He cries for us at night like he thinks we've left him forever. He clings to us when we go to him as though he was certain we would never return. While I know that we're right there- and that he'll see us, God Willing, when he wakes in the morning, for the dark moment in time that he feels all alone- that moment breaks my heart. But maybe this isn't about me and how CIO makes me feel- maybe he needs it and not doing so is damaging him.

So in short, when it comes to cry-it-out: The mind says yes- the heart screams no. But ofcourse we don't want to do it. Who does? What parent grins and says oh goody! Time to put my baby in a crib and hear them cry themselves into hysterics!

I'm thinking about doing it. But I'm scared. What if he stops giving me puppy dog grins and sloppy kisses. But what if I'm harming him by not doing CIO. Not teaching him to sleep properly for long stretches, triggering life-long insomnia. I feel bad K thinks he's being a bad parent by not doing CIO.

I type these words just twenty minutes after putting him down to sleep and you know what I'm thinking? Maybe tonight will be the night he sleeps through the night. Because every single night, despite logic- I hope this will be the night.

Three Beautiful Things Thursday

We can go for years without snow but the sheer mention of flurries sends this city into chaos. I mean no milk in the metro-Atlanta area because everyone ran out and bought ten gallons apiece type of chaos. When weatherfolks began calling the Sunday night storm the 'storm of the century' I rolled my eyes. We'd get a few flurries, if that, I figured. As it turns out, it was quite the storm and we've been unable to leave our neighborhood since Sunday night. Luckily, K's job has been closed for a record three days and while we ran out of a few essentials we learned we can do without them if we must and that we had enough to last us through the weekend through creativity and the wonders of frozen vegetables. I now feel more sympathy for the folks who raided the grocery stores- they feared a situation much like we were in and I am so grateful we didn't lose electricity. Being homebound with a husband to help with the baby helped me organize, clean, and get some writing done [and I blogged every day it seems!] but best of all? K woke up early to watch the baby allowing me precious extra hours of sleep each morning. Doesn't get more beautiful than that.

Photo courtesy of my friend Yen. If you don't read her blog, you should!

My SLR camera broke while in DC for my cousin's wedding. Luckily I sent it out to Adorama right before the storm. They received it Monday and told me Tuesday they've replaced it and the new one is on its way! [As soon as the UPS guy can make it up our hill]. If you're looking for a good online camera retailer they are quick, efficient and have good customer service. Still, the camera couldn't have broken at a worse time. I'm thankful we brought our point-and-shoot despite the fact that I look like a body-double for Casper The Friendly Ghost in most pictures. [Speaking of which, the previous post with a picture was my cousin and Waleed. The one below is me and a very tired baby who just moments after this picture was taken slept the entire night away tucked away in his Ergo]. Not having my camera reminded me how much I rely on it to help me remember the moments in my son's life. I need to focus less on trying to capture each moment and more on remembering them in my mind's eye. Its okay if I couldn't take a picture of the way his curly hair stuck straight up making him look like a brown baby Pebbles today- I've written it down and will no doubt remember it always. [And my 365 project will resume once the camera is back- the point-n-shoot just wasn't cutting it]

Aisha, the friendly ghost.

Speaking of Waleed, he's finally feeling better. I used to represent children with chronic and terminal illnesses and the pain of both the child and the parents? No words. My son simply had a virus and it exhausted me in ways I have never been exhausted before. But it was just a virus. It ran its course. And he is better now. He is smiling, laughing, and crawling like nothing happened. My respect is ten-fold for the strength of my client's parents. As cliche as it may be, no matter how rough my days might be. His health? There's nothing more fragile or more beautiful than that.

Practicing Precociousness.

The top five over-hyped and under-needed baby products 0-6 months

After writing my most useful baby things post a while back, many of you said you found the list helpful so I planned to follow it with the items I bought but wish I hadn't so people could save themselves the cash but between travel, weddings, sickness and writing I did not have the time to follow up as quickly as I meant to. But today? I'm typing these words from my couch from a house that rests on an icy hill in a southern city that shuts down at the mention of flurries and so is certainly at wits end now that actual real sticky snow has landed. So I finally have some downtime to compile this in the hopes that it is helpful to you as I know that many of you reading are new mamas or mamas to be. Please bear in mind this is my opinion, not hard set facts. Clearly someone finds these items useful or they wouldn't be sold at baby stores by the bucketful. So without further ado:

Bottle Warmer. This may not apply to babies who are primarily bottle-fed but I used to give him pumped milk in a bottle and personally found it to be more trouble than it was worth, instead I just ran the bottle under some hot water in the sink or if it was particularly cold I put a pot on the stove and stick the bottle in, in just a few minutes it was done. If you're planning to give a bottle just once-in-a-while there's no need to invest in an expensive bottle warmer.

Bottle Sterilizer. Simply put you don't need to sterilize your bottle each and every single time. After the first time you can just wash it. Using the sterilizer has led to the burned out microwaves of several of my friends. 

Receiving Blankets. Someone told me you can't have enough receiving blankets. So I bought ten. Yes, they're helpful but you don't need ten particularly the Carter's receiving blankets which are horrid thin cardboard like things that are a complete waste of money. I use them to line my changing pad but I hardly needed so many. I ended up buying a nice blanket from Etsy and Miss Matched [err and yes it has come to my attention that they sell things for girls- but a purple blanket is fine!] They were warm, large enough to swaddle with, and those two were all I needed as they alternated between the wash.

Sleep positioner. We got three as presents and though they've since been recalled I never understood them to begin with. The one on an incline made Waleed slip and flip when he was too young to roll back over. The one without an incline just seemed silly as he was swaddled so he wasn't exactly going to roll anywhere. If you swaddle in the early months, a sleep positioner is just unneeded.

Changing Table. Now keep in mind this is a list of over-hyped and under-needed, not unneeded. You do need to change your babies diaper and you do need a place to do so- but I personally don't think you need a changing table. Sure they look pretty particularly if you have a matching nursery but most parents I've talked to are like me and barely change their baby on that changing table- instead you fling a receiving blanket on the bed and strip the babe down there, or on the floor while you catch up on The Wire, etc. If you want to get one buy a used one or one heavily discounted because they are very expensive and very underused.

Helpful? If so I'll post a similar list for what I'm learning I don't need as I trekk through months 6-12! Disagree? Have anything to add to the list? Please share in the comments below!

Happy Eight Month Birthday

Dear Waleed,

On Friday you turned eight months old. We got the customary cupcake but you were in no mood for your photo shoot because you were one sick little monkey. Until now, if something upset you I could fix it. Hungry? I fed you. Wet? I changed you. Lonely? I cuddled you. Bored? I played with you. But the sick thing? I couldn't make it better. I could only hold you as you whimpered with a pained expression as if you were asking me to make it stop. And I couldn't. This is the first of many such instances isn't it? Where I'm a spectator in your life- where as much as I want to do it for you- I have to watch you go through it alone. This is hard Waleed so very hard. 

Until the sick spell it was a good month. We went to DC for your Khala Aamina's wedding. It does my heart good to see you with your family surrounded by so much love. We don't see them nearly enough so when we do it just means that much more. Your Khala loves you so much- not a day passed despite her hectic schedule that she did not stop and kiss and cuddle with you. At her wedding I gave a speech and I told the audience what I'm about to tell you. She is not like my sister, she is my sister, she is the very definition of what a sister should be. And similarly she is not like your Khala, she is your Khala- she came to spend time with you when you were hardly three weeks old and she dotes on you every chance she gets. No matter what happens you can always count on her- she will love you forever.

You've always been active but this month you kicked it up a notch. You seem perpetually in motion. Everyone laughs wait until he's walking you'll be chasing him everywhere! I smile but I am a tiny bit anxious since you crawl everywhere. Especially on the kitchen tiles. We transfer you to the soft plush rug and in seconds you are back on the tiles smacking them with your fist and trying to stand. We bought a play-yard plus extensions. It covered our entire living room. Just the sight of it makes you scream hysterically. This perplexes me since you can sit in a tiny play-pen for hours gleeful and giddy- why does a play-yard large enough for a linebacker to cartwheel in make you feel trapped? Luckily, you've begun understanding when we tell you no. The bakers rack stacked from floor to ceiling with plates, glasses and other breakables? After we told you twice not to touch it, you've left it alone as with the wires in the kitchen that we simply cannot relocate to higher ground. It's like you get it- back off the breakables and the play-yard stays away. I don't understand it but I certainly appreciate your cooperation [and the fact that I'm engaged in negotiations with an infant does not escape me].

You also say Mama. To me. Not the dishwasher or the remote control or even your father. Me. And let me just tell you there is no word more beautiful in any language. It just reminds me, Waleed jaan, that you are growing up so fast. You are already eight months old. I keep waiting for this to feel normal. For me to take you for granted like my ears or my toes but there has not yet been a single day that I do not look at you and marvel that you are here and that you are mine. You are constantly evolving and growing and even the tough days, the days you won't stop crying or won't sleep, I am amazed and humbled to be your mother.

Love,

Your Mama

Thank you Mamu Khyzer for a picture of
Waleed with his Khala that I will treasure forever.

Reading Between The Lines

As any writer knows the first sentence is the most important sentence in your book because those first sentences determine whether a casual browser will keep on reading or put it back on the shelf for something else. That's a whole lot of pressure to make sure the first sentence is the most amazing thing since sliced bread. [Or Harry Potter if we're going to compare apples to apples]. In that vein I've been staring at the first sentence of my new manuscript for approximately three days. To get an objective opinion I turned to my husband for feedback.

Me: The first sentence is the most important sentence in a book. Can you please read the first sentence of my manuscript to see if its a good first sentence?
K: Sure. Pauses football game. Takes it and reads it. Keeps reading. Five minutes.
Me: You're not still reading the first sentence are you?
K: No, I'm done.
Me: So what do you think?
K: It's okay.
Me: Just okay?
K: Yeah- its fine. I guess.
Me: Fine, I guess? That wont cut it for a first sentence! I need to revise. Again. Sigh. I guess that's why you were staring at the sentence for five minutes. Trying to figure out how to break it to me?
K: No, I finished the first page. The first sentence made me want to read on, I didn't want to stop.
Me: So that means its a GOOD first sentence!?
K: Good point! Now that you put it that way- yeah! It was a good first sentence.

Good thing I interrogated a bit to realize that his version of okay is my version of yes this works! this works! Hope y'all are well. Onwards on the writing road go I.

And- knowing you're following me thrills me. If you read me regularly, I have one favor- please be kind and help my neurosis [or encourage it further I guess] by clicking follow! You can with nearly any e-mail account!

Friday Round-Up Linkety Link

It's been a while since I've done a favorite link round-up. If you enjoyed it please let me know so I can try to make it a more regular thing!

The fooding: Azmina shared this savory [and seemingly simple] recipe on Pad See Ew. Can't wait to hit up an Asian market to give it a try! [Amazing how a simple bottle of Sriracha has now turned me into a wannabe Asian chef]

The parenting: A new article on formula versus breastfeeding and maternal sleep shows there's no difference in sleep quality for either set of mothers. Good to know since I've been wondering lately if I should reconsider formula since I heard it leads to more sleep for mom and baby- and sleep deprivation? It's ugly.

The writing: My lovely agent shared this awesome article on how to avoid "Bore-geous" writing, if you're a writer its a must read!

The thoughtful: This post about time and the tangibility of it through daily calendars doesn't sound powerful but is beautifully written and has left me thinking all day.

The weird: This pilot pretended to be a cardiologist and taught cardiology to doctors for decades. Proof positive that life is stranger than fiction indeed.

The You-Tubing: You've likely already seen "Where The Hell Is Matt?" but I can't get the song out of my head and the video of this guy dancing around the world just gets to me each and every time. [oh and if anyone would like to fund my trip around the world- call me! I can dance. Kind of.]

The blogging: I've been meaning to write a post about blogging but this excellent post on how to successfully blog really says it all. If you're a new blogger check it out.

The desi blogging: Mezba wrote an interesting post in favor of arranged marriages in response to a linked article vehemently opposed to them. [If you're looking for a basic understanding of arranged marriages and my take on it you can read this].

The mommy blogging: It seems guilt about co-sleeping is not unusual in a culture that encourages independence and individualism from the outset. Like Murgdan I never intended to co-sleep but it works for me [read: sleep]. Her post is honest and resonated with me [And she's just a compelling blogger in general].

National Delurking Week!!!! It just a part of life after the 'RSS feed' that more people read your blog than actually leave a comment. Since there's a week set out out to delurk I thought I'd ask if you're reading to stop and say hi! As the lovely Mel put it on her blog:

It is fairly easy. Leave a comment in the comment section below admitting that you’re here. You can simply raise your hand and meekly admit that you’re here with a simple, one-word “here” comment; or you can proudly raise your hand and tell us all a bit about yourself (my preferred method); or you can tell me what type of cookie you’d be if you were a lump of cookie dough (see, I’m trying to make it easy for you by even providing a comment prompt). The point is that I want to know about the people who read me.

Amen Mel! Happy Friday y'all. Any interesting links you discovered into this week? 

Waleed, the pretty little. . . girl?

I love zipped up footed pajamas. Its so much easier to zip and unzip rather than fumbling with buttons in the middle of the night but its hard to find zipped pajamas. After searching in boys sections for weeks a salesclerk pointed me to the girl's section filled with pink and purple zipped pajamas. Now I'm not saying my boy can only play with footballs and GI Joes but I can't exactly see myself sticking him in a princess pajama even if he doesn't know the difference. What about the frog one? She said lifting a green and white frog print. It seemed neutral enough I thought. When I showed it to K he shook his head I don't know about that one. I didn't get it. Just looks girly he said. Its gender neutral I insisted. Plus they zipped- making my nighttime wakings easier by a mile.

I woke this morning to a sick little guy. Fever. Cough. Fussy. Rushing him to the doctor we took the first appointment with the first available doctor. It was a new doctor but he seemed nice enough [Looking past the huge "Obamacare will kill the country" poster on his office door]. Still, I raised an eyebrow when he leaned his stethoscope in and said okay sweetheart lets listen to your lungs, and then hi beautiful, lets look at the throat wondering, does he think Waleed is a girl? But then all doubt erased when he said, she has a viral infection give her pain relievers, it will pass by Saturday.

Now I understand Waleed is not Joe, Barney or Bartholomew so it might be misconstrued as female or at best unclear. And I get he's a busy doctor who didn't check the chart for gender but I'm just surprised. He seems so boyish to me. I thought back to the one other time that someone mistook him for a girl and realized a common theme in both incidents. The outfit:

Let me be clear- I don't mind people thinking he's a girl. He's a baby. A baby who actually looks just like me as a baby but I just don't get it. Is it the outfit? Green frogs are girlie and I missed the memo? Or do I just have a very pretty little boy?

50 Book 2011 Book Challenge

Though in lieu of New Year Resolutions I have my 101 things to do in 1001 days, there's one resolution I'm editing. So without further adieu my major 2011 resolution:

Read More.

2008 Book Tally: 52
2009 Book Tally: 100
2010 Book Tally: 19

Yes. Nineteen. As in I have more fingers and toes than 19. What happened?

1) The baby. Oh yeah blame it on the baby you might say, but its true. Instead of reading novels cover to cover I spent the first half of 2010 reading up on every scary possibility of pregnancy and the latter half of 2010 reading about every scary possibility of parenting. I read to address an issue never actually reading a book cover-to-cover so they didn't count in my book tallies.
2) Burned out. 100 books in 2009 is as difficult as it sounds. I love reading books. But imagine if you love ice cream and its your favoritest dessert ever- and someone gave you enough buckets of ice cream to fill two regular sized jet planes, well you'd start off giddy but by the end you just might convert into an Atkins adherent for life. This is sort of what happened to me, but with books. 100 novels is a lot of reading and during 2010 I just felt a bit burned out which is frankly sadder than coming off ice-cream for life. 
3) Writing. Despite having a baby I wrote or revised nearly every day of 2010. I strongly believe writers must study their craft through reading but it became a difficult balancing act to fit in both reading and writing on a daily consistent basis.
4) The internet. This gets a red mark because beyond writing, baby, and feeling burned out- it was the pesky portal to the universe that sucked my time above all else. Reading blogs, articles, link-jumping, instead of reading while I nursed baby, I surfed the net.

I have quite legitimate excuses but I know excuses are just that: excuses. As my father would remind me growing up that I can give my reasons and get the sympathy that comes with it but the end result is what it is. So I'm renewing my challenge to myself. 50 books in 2011- updated regularly on my book review site, and I will reach my goal!

I'm currently in the midst of Radical Homemakers recommended by Baraka, Fortune's Rocks lent a good long while ago by my friend Sonya [sorry Sonya!], and No God But God my friend Saadia recommended. The running theme here? I read books y'all recommend. You might be crossing your arms and raising an eyebrow right now to say um Aisha, last year you asked for book recs and you read 19 books! To which I respond, you're right. I'm sorry [and ow!] But I am going to be better this time! I promise! I can change, really! I ask you because I figure if you read this we have something in common and I might like what you like so with this in mind I ask: what are you reading and loving? What did you read and think others should read too? I read it all- nonfiction, fiction, fantasy, rom-com, multicultural, YA etc as long as the book is under 600 pages [preferably much less], the writing is good and has no vampires anywhere in around its vicinity. I hate Vampires more than I hate sticky goat feet stew [an actual desi meal I once unfortunately ate but would eat again, five servings worth, over another lovestruck sparkly Vampire!].

Looking forward to your thoughts! Here's to 2011 and the books to be read!

[oh and I've starting the 365 project as of 1/1/11! My dSLR is in the shop and I'm using my point-n-shoot. I plan to update my 'life in pictures' blog listed on the right a few times a week with the fruits of my picture-taking labor]