Friday, March 02, 2012

One minute

I took Waleed to the park today like I do every single clear-weather day since we moved to our condo in October. Waleed normally sticks close to me like white on rice but today he wanted to wander and because the park is fenced and flat and easily visible from wherever one stands, I let him. I turned to talk to the mom next to me and when I looked back to check on Waleed, I couldn't find him. For a full minute I could not find him. I scanned his usual haunts, the toy house, the swings-- nothing. Just then I looked up and saw him taking the steps to exit through the one unblocked exit in the park. A parent blocked him as I raced to him. I picked him up. Waleed bounced on my hip. And we went home.

But for one full minute I could not find my son.

Every car ride, every trip to the park quickly blends into the next until it doesn't. Every day is ordinary until it isn't. He's napping right now while a train whistles in the distance as I type these words on the screen. It's Friday so we'll do the usual where do you want to go out for dinner? I don't know where do you want to go out? Give Waleed his bath. Maybe rent a movie.

For a full minute, I thought I'd never have a day like this again.

The street was empty. His steps clumsy. The exit still far away enough to not pose true danger. And yet I can't stop thinking how many other mothers began a day like today, who turned their attention for a split second, and who pay for that moment the rest of their lives.

In that full minute I saw how quickly my world can shatter.

Trying not to dwell in the useless space of guilt. Trying to let this trembling sensation pass through me and the haunting whispers of what could have been. Thank you God for ordinary days. Thank you for moments that blend seamlessly into the next. They are a testament to an inordinately blessed life.

16 comments:

Fruitful Fusion said...

Oh I know the feeling yet so many times I forget to thank God for all those ordinary moments that are a part of my life. It must have been dreadful!

Aisha said...

Fruitful, thank you so much for taking the time to let me know I'm not alone in having a moment like that. It was the worst feeling in the world.

katery said...

thank goodness for boring days. i'm glad he hadn't gotten out, i know that feeling, i can't take my eyes off louise for a second, scary stuff.

Anonymous said...

SCARY! :(

Aisha said...

Thanks Kate, it is so scary now that they can get away easily but don't have the maturity to be safe. He's gonna give me my gray hairs lol

Aisha said...

indeed anon :(

sprogblogger said...

Oh so scary!

Aisha said...

Yes Susan, hope you never get to experience it!!!

mystic-soul said...

Went through those moments and it scare s*** of me!

Anonymous said...

All we can do is try our best and make duaa that Allah protects us always. Sometimes horrible things happen but Alhamdulilah they didn't and Inshallah they won't.

mystic-soul said...

Ayesha! posted review on love Inshallah!

Aisha said...

Thanks Mystic for letting me know, just an FYI its hard to connect directly through your comment link to your website, not sure why?

Anonymous. AMEEN.

Rozeena said...

I have had that moment also, its one I would never wish upon anyone, ever. I am glad to hear it was a minute. Such a well written post.

Aisha said...

Thanks Rozeena for leting me know its not just me. Those moments are so awful!!!!

Anonymous said...

I have had that moment, too! Your post is a great reminder to treasure the ordinary moments!

awomanmyage said...

I don't know too many mothers who haven't had that moment. That's what they do - scare the crap out of us every now and then. It's in that moment when you can't see where they went, when you hear the head go crack on the ground, when they fall from a height, when they stand at the top of the stairs. But we can't live in fear, no matter what. Yes, it's those ordinary moments that mean the most.

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