Friday, September 21, 2012

Reality check on the upcoming mothering of two

A friend of mine brought her daughter over yesterday for a play date with my son. She also brought her brand new baby girl. I took in the fresh new baby smell and marveled at just how tiny and soft she was. You'll get to see for yourself in a few months my friend smiled. She's right, I thought as I cooed at the little one, I'll get to find out in a few months myself.

And then later, after she left, and the kiddo was down for his nap, and I sat down with a cup of tea, I suddenly sat up straight. Oh my gosh! I will find out in a few months!

With my son, I had a running ticker counting down my pregnancy. I pored over every single page of Baby Bargains deciding between strollers, and cribs, and playpens. I journaled daily about every poke and prod and if you you asked me how far along I was I could tell you down to the week and day. Now? I'm honestly not sure how many weeks I am. I am super excited. Feel super blessed. But I have not even begun to think about what exactly I would need for another little guy. And while I'm sure I don't need much since I still have Waleed's old swing, moses basket, and other tiny tyke paraphernalia, I am thinking surely I can't just bring the little guy home from the hospital with nary an extra purchase? Is that possible?

This realization brought the next one: Soon, [insh'Allah] I will be a bonafide mother of two.  Soon, my well ordered routine will be taken apart and put back together in a way I can't begin to comprehend. Waleed sleeps through the night. He entertains himself with his trucks, and airplanes and cars and is fairly independent as compared to the upcoming little guy who will be entirely helpless and dependent on me for everything.

I love the stage I'm at with my son. I love reading stories together and conversing about stickers and stamps. Soon this will change. Soon my focus will be on not one but two little beings who each want [and deserve] my undivided attention. And as much as I'm looking forward to my next son, and know from others that love is one of those things that expands to encompass each child wholly, I stare at my toddler and feel a bittersweetness at this remaining time left of just the two of us.

He has some idea there is another one coming and mostly seems excited at the prospect. He kisses my belly and informs me mama! baby inside! But somewhere I once read that another baby is for an older sibling, the equivalent of a husband coming home with another wife. And no amount of you'll love having them around! It's more to love! Works about as well as a husband trying the same lines. Which, yikes!

I'm trying to picture what life will be like being a mother of two but drawing a blank. I wonder when [if] I will find time for myself and how I will spend time with Waleed and let him know he's still very important to me. I know I'll handle it because I must. I had no idea to be a mother to one and I learned as I went along so surely I will learn in this same way to be a mother to two. It's just interesting how lackadaisical I've felt up until this point about such a huge seismic overhaul to the world I've grown accustomed to.

Do you have any advice on being the mother of two?

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

1. Go with the flow and take it a day (or rather moment) at the time.
2. Don't aim for perfection, in mothering or anything else. You'll do your best, but it might not always feel good enough.
3. Remember, it WILL get better. I found the first few weeks - with a sleepy newborn - fairly easy. The next 6 months were tougher and now (the baby is 11 months) it's already much easier again.

One tip I found somewhere: don't only tell the older one to wait, though you'll have to do that frequently. Sometimes tell the baby that he'll have wait a moment until you cater to the needs of his brother. My older one seemed to appreciate that she sometimes got "priority", too ;-)

BTW, I think it's totally normal to spend so little time thinking about the pregnancy and preparations with the second one.

It'll all work out, insh'Allah!
Natalie

iremi nisces said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
mystic said...

When I saw this heading, I thought you are getting a second kid.....lol

Anonymous said...

just ask your mother. no one can give better advice than her.

Aisha said...

Thank you Natalie, great advice! How far apart are your kids? Thanks again love all the great advice!

Mystic, yep, insh'allah :)

Anon, yes definitely get advice from her always alhamdullilah.

Anonymous said...

it will be hard but it has to get better! :)

Anonymous said...

They're 28 months apart.

Natalie

Aisha said...

Thanks Anon :)

Natalie, ah, so just a few months closer in age than mine will be insh'Allah. My brother's MIL told me she timed each of her children at 28 months apart, she said it was the best age distance between children. Not sure why, but her kids are now grown and she stands by her choice :)

Anonymous said...

Lol, not sure 28 months is the best age distance, but I think it's pretty good. The older one is already fairly independent (sleeps through the night, possibly potty trained, can entertain himself), but they are close enough to still be able to play with each other when they are a bit older. In fact, my two kind of play with each other now already. Might not be the case for all kids .... my older one loves entertaining her sister - lucky me! :-)

Anonymous said...

Ups, that was me.

Natalie

mystic said...

Its just more fun....believe me...it will get better

Aisha said...

Natalie, that sounds perfect :) I just get sad at the closeness in age because while it will be tough at first, they'll both grow up so quickly. Ah motherhood and its complex emotions!!!!

Mystic, insh'Allah I have a lot of hope for that!! :)

Katie said...

I really understand your sentiments. I have a 3.5 yr old and a 3 wk old baby. Of course I live my new little one but it is hard to kind if go back all the newborn stuff, sleepless nights etc.... I really do miss my time with my older girl. I am making big efforts to fit new baby in with older child and we are trying to do things she enjoys. I don't have a ton of advice but I agree with first person who commented , don't just make baby the priority. Good luck and enjoy your special time with your son now

Katie said...

I really understand your sentiments. I have a 3.5 yr old and a 3 wk old baby. Of course I live my new little one but it is hard to kind if go back all the newborn stuff, sleepless nights etc.... I really do miss my time with my older girl. I am making big efforts to fit new baby in with older child and we are trying to do things she enjoys. I don't have a ton of advice but I agree with first person who commented , don't just make baby the priority. Good luck and enjoy your special time with your son now

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