Monday, January 21, 2013

Random because coherentness requires sleep. Also, not sure coherentess is an actual word.

  1. Now that I have another child I realize how much I've forgotten about the early days with my firstborn. I attribute this to evolution. The perpetuation of the human race and such. What other explanation can there be for me forgetting the complete and utter lack of sleep that comprises these first few weeks of new motherhood? 
  2. I didn't completely forget per se, I knew on an intellectual level that babies wake up frequently, poop copiously, and cry for no discernible reason; but I forgot how you can prepare for this reality by knowing all about it, but the wading through the reality of it is difficult.
  3. And sleep deprivation? It's really really hard. Trying to not dwell. Reminding myself that it is what it is, focusing on the tiny toes and fingers, and absorbing that this too shall pass-- but seriously? sleep deprivation? It's real. It's painful. Its used to torture prisoners for good reason.
  4. Compounding the lack of sleep is breastfeeding. I'm sure there are some women who bask in the warm maternal glow of nursing and truth be told I thought that would be me on the next go round, but no, its still hard. I still mostly hate it. It didn't help that he had breastfeeding related jaundice that made the going particularly rough, but even now, as we leave those days behind us, dreams of dancing formulas in bright pink tutus still waltz through my head particularly on those days I'd like to get more than 90 minutes of contiguous sleep. I know it will get better. I know to take it one feeding at a time. But it was a struggle then. It is a struggle now.
  5. It is also a struggle to have a phone conversation. I intend every day to call back my friends but then in the ten minute snatches of time I end up sleeping, or staring out the window at the squirrels bouncing from tree to tree, or watching an episode of Judge Judy as she explains the particulars of why Joe Schmoe can't pay back his girlfriend [spoiler: it's usually because he doesn't' have a job]. It's hard to think too hard when you haven't slept in days but if I owe you a phone call, I haven't forgotten. Please don't give up on me. I miss you. I will call you.
  6. And if this post makes little to no sense or has bored you to tears, I'm sorry for that too.
  7. It's just that I am so incredibly sleepy.

8 comments:

Mina said...

Whaaa'?! When did you get that photo of me?! :-)))
It gets better. It really does. Clench your jaws, count to hundreds, do the mama growl pose in the mirror when you really need to let off steam - time flies and it will get better. Honestly it does.

Anonymous said...

Agree with Mina. It does get better, sooner than you think. Ok, maybe not soon enough from where you stand right now. But it does.
What helped me was a standing appointment - such as play group - for my older, at least once a week. We got out of the house, she got to play with other kids and I got to talk to other moms and commiserate. But I admit that actually making it out of the house seemed a huge deal at the beginning (didn't help that we live in snow suit country ;-))

Take care of yourself!
Natalie

Aisha said...

Mina, Thanks for the reminder of the far side of the tunnel.

Natalie, thanks for the advice, I am putting W in a part-time half-day preschool which should help with getting a little downtime and getting out of the house with just one for abit, the prospect of ever leaving the house with two terrifies me! Might try it when they're about 12 years old ;)

Kristen Hansen said...

Oh, I wish I could send you some zzzs's in an envelope. Know it doesn't work that way, but as a mom to frequent-waking kids, phew, I know it's disorienting and really hard. In fact, I didn't realize how hard until my younger child recently (who's 3, OMG!) started sleeping soundly for several hours at a time most nights and occasionally thought the night. And kudos for you for continuing to nurse even though it's really, really difficult and demanding. You're a rock star, and I hope it's easier soon!

Anonymous said...

It does get easier....take it one day at a time. I have a 14 month old and a 3 year old which can be crazy at times when we go out. I find it's the first 6 weeks that are crazy as a sleep deprived mom but after that things settle down. Take care
Suneyyah

Anonymous said...

I practiced co-sleeping (despite all the nay-sayers) with my second and it was a life saver! He suckled the whole night and I felt we'll ested never having to get out of bed. It worked for us! All the best. Leigh Ann

Anonymous said...

take all the help from your parents and husband you can! good lu

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you, Aisha. Sleep deprivation is so difficult, but even more so, considering all that you've been through in a few short weeks!

He is beautiful, by the way! Congratulations!

Kelsey

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