Yesterday you turned four months old. It's been a busy month with lots of changes like rolling over, and discovering--and adoring-- your toes. You talk up a storm, not just monotone babbling- you emote. You raise your pitch and lower it, you raise your hands to emphasize, you tilt your head to make sure we're paying attention. But some things are thankfully not changing, like that 100 watt smile. The doctor today said that temperament is something you're born with and if that's the case then knock on wood, throw salt over shoulder, and do the happy dance because I've won the lottery with you. Grow up, dance, run, and play-- but in this most important of ways, don't ever change.
You had not one but two visits from your dadi and dada this month, your eyes positively lit up when you saw them and trust me, the feeling is most definitely mutual. Speaking of mutual affection, since you interact more with the world around you, your brother is starting to look at you like a buddy. Like when a friend of ours came over, one without the usual kids he's used to. He waited for you to wake from your nap, and when you did, he rushed to your side-- and never left. He grabbed a pillow and lay by you, whispering secrets in your ear, so happy to have his buddy, his comrade-little-person among this group of adults. You've gone from that baby to his baby, and seeing the playing and the sharing-- a little too much sharing at times-- is incredibly beautiful to see.
|Sharing his toys. You appreciated it. Really!|
|Want it? don't even think about it.|
You've doubled your birth weight but baby wearing continues full steam ahead this month. I love it for the closeness we share but it's also the only way I can manage to go out and about with my two monkeys, you strapped to me while your brother serenades me from his shopping cart. While its fun to get out out of the house, if I don't wear you, save a pack of bubble gum, there's no room to actually buy anything.
I do love wearing you but we now have another baby-holding-device at home. The seat your Mamu and Mami got you. This was the first month you could use it. And you love it. You sit up and watch the events of the day unfold [and mama likes having the chance for her shoulders to have a break].
I still can't believe you're four months old. Time is passing by too fast. I love the thick creases in your legs, the pudginess of your belly, the softness of your hair, and the way you cackle with delight when I tickle you. It makes me smile, and it breaks my heart. I read a piece this month, and it captures the feeling so well:
Motherhood has offered me more surprises than I can count but the biggest one is how limned with loss it is, how striated with sorrow. I am blindsided, over and over again, by the breathless rush of time. For every single thing that will never come again, though, there is a dazzling surprise, a new skill, a new wonder, a new delight. All of parenting is a constant farewell and an endless allelulia wrapped together.Yes. That. This parenting thing defies words. As Jon Ham's character in one of my favorite shows said, being a parent is feeling like your heart will explode. And now for me, times two. You're my second and yet everything feels like a first and with the pangs that come with every last time with you this small, I'm so excited for all that is to come.