Last week you turned three months old. You love baths, peek-a-boo, and-- what's that you're asking? Why is mama sprinkling salt over her shoulder and knocking on wood maniacally like a nutty bunny? Well that's simple, love. It's because I don't want to jinx this amazing phenomena that I saw hints of since your birth but which this month has come completely to life: You are a happy, smiling, giggling, little boy. Like pretty much always. It's been a few weeks of the full on cackles of delight, and each time it happens it takes my breath away-- like falling in love for the first time, every single time.
You still don't sleep though. Not a whole lot anyway. I've heard that some kids do by now, going as long as 12 hours some nights, but my boys? It appears in this regard they are special. You even more special than your older brother. Still, you're lucky you're a second born so I know that this too shall pass faster than I'd like so while the circles under my eyes deepen a bit more than I'd like, after the jaundice where we forced you up from your groggy state to eat, I'll take the feisty midnight snacks any day. But still, if you feel like you want to sleep longer than three hour stretches? You will hear no arguments from me. Mama loves you. But mama also loves sleep.
Speaking of friendships, its fascinating to watch your relationship with your brother grow. I can't say that its all roses and sunshine, he has his moments of jealousy but his love most certainly trumps his insecurities. And you? You think he's a rockstar. A few weeks ago, he gave you the rare honor of allowing you to lie down in his race car bed, and when he tucked himself in next to you it was like a celebrity invited you backstage to your favorite concert. You were so star-struck, if you could speak, I'm fairly certain you'd still be speechless.
There is a song that plays on Pandora once in a while, the singer croons about how he gets lost in his mind. Whenever it plays your father always looks at me and grins because your mama has a tendency of doing that--- I do very little without a lot of thought put into it, and that includes living life, pondering its meaning and my purpose. It's funny how the day after you were born, your mamus, nana, nani, your father, your brother, we were all in the hospital room taking in your tiny fingers and toes, and I felt thunderstruck by the moment. In that moment it finally hit me, what this whole living life is about. Yes its about so many different things but at its ultimate essence: It's about love. Loving. Being loved. That moment sounds simple, but its one of those handful of powerful moments that stay with you for life. Thank you for giving me that moment. Thank you for being mine. I love you. I love you. I love you. I always will.
"Looking back over a lifetime, you see love was the answer to everything."-Ray Bradbury